Monday, 18th December, 2017

UN declares 'Candy Crush Saga Requests' more dangerous than ISIS, says they are a threat to humanity.

20, Oct 2014 By fakebond

It took the intervention of the US president to finally persuade (bully) the UN to take cognizance of the growing menace of  uncontrolled, unregulated and highly contagious ‘Candy Crush Saga Requests’ and declare them a terrorist organization after he was spammed with these requests on his FB account. These brain-washed gamers want to establish the grand rule of Candyphate which will lord over the world with their self defined rules of gamedom. Some of these rules were presented to the normal world by their CEO (Chief Execution Officer) Mr Bahut Bakar Crushdadi:

  1. We want to establish our supremacy in this gaming world. We will behead all the phones (read – remove the batteries) who don’t have pre-installed Candy Crush Saga and upload their video on MyTube.
  2. We will forcefully convert all addictive gamers to obedient Candy Crush Saga enthusiasts (as everyone today is one) who will spread the idea of  ‘Candy Jihad’. They are either with us or against us.
  3. We will capture all the smartphones of intelligent agencies and our enemies and mass execute them if they don’t accept our Candy Crush requests.
  4. We will send suicide viruses inside all the other popular games which threaten the existence of Candy Crush Saga.

His speech was interrupted as he got busy with the next level in the gaming saga.

Our Faking News correspondent took reactions of some important leaders and common people about this decision

Latest PM of Pakistan Mr Sabse Sharif retierated his stand that Mr Crushdadi is not on his soil and that UN should have taken the plebiscite route to solve this problem.

Sri Lankan President Mr Surendra Sabseacha declined to comment as he was busy supervising yet another bi-lateral cricket tournament with India.

Indian PM Mr Moody highlighted the importance of ‘Clean India Mission’ and stressed that these Candy Crush Saga would also be cleaned up in this process. He welcomed this decision as  he had received thousands of requests of mentally unstable victims of this game through FB and Twitter.

India’s LOL PM Rahul G’s comments couldn’t be taken as he straight away went to the house of a non Candy Crush Saga lover after his ‘Chota Bheem’ show to understand his plight, but our correspondent was persistent to take a sound byte from the youth icon. All Mr Rahul could say was “Candy Crush Saga is a state of mind, it is in your shirt, it is in your pants, see, we brought in the RTI, women em…..” before our brave correspondent collapsed on the floor.

Pakistan’s Laughter-in-Chief Mr Sabkalal Chutto roared to his supporters ‘ Lawange, Lawange, saari Candy Crush requests India se Pakistan lawange’ and with it, he raised the laughter index of the entire Indian sub-continent.

This author humbly appeals to all the candy crush saga fanatics not to send requests to hapless countrymen.

This article is dedicated to all the countless, nameless, faceless citizens of this country whose moral and gaming compass has been crushed under this ‘Crushing’ saga.