Aisha RichDad had just put up photos from her last trip to Paris. Inder SoftwareGuy had excitedly changed his status message to ‘Our new car!!!!!!’ And Bina Kardasharma had changed her relationship status to ‘Engaged to Mymum Foundthisguy’. All they had wanted was to share their joy (triumph) with their friends and family. All they were expecting was the ceaseless chime of the notification alarm, ringing in the ‘Sahi hai’, ‘Wowwwww’ and ‘Congos’.
But within a few hours of posting their updates, bad luck started haunting these poor young souls. Aisha’s dad found a photo of her drinking beer with a classmate who she had claimed was ‘just a good friend’. Inder’s car was rear ended by a taxi-driver who claimed it was his fault and further claimed Rs.5000 as repair charges. As for Bina, her fiancé threatened to break the engagement after he found out that the site that her parents had said was in her name, was actually shared between her and her sister.
So how can luck change so quickly? This reporter interviewed the elusive Sri Sri Bakwaas ji Maharaj of the patented ‘Buri-nazar-kavach’ fame.
“Buri Nazar!” he said, explaining in just two words.
“Previously buri-nazar could be warded off just by wearing our patented amulets and bracelets,” he explained, pointing to framed images of red-laser-eyed ‘buri-nazar’ emitting women, their efforts thwarted by the glowing ‘buri-nazar-kavach’.
“But now,” he added, “These types of women are sitting in their own homes and going through your Facebook updates. Buri-nazar, essentially a laser can be transmitted over the internet.”
“But no need to worry,” he amended quickly, noticing this reporter’s horrified expression, “Our religion’s scientists have pored over the vedas and the internet and found a solution- the siddh buri-nazar-kavach image. Just add the image to your new album, your status message or put it as your cover photo for broad-spectrum protection.”
Our team decided to test the ‘kavach-image’. We bought three and emailed them to Aisha, Inder and Bina. All three immediately edited their posts to include the ‘kavach’ photo. In minutes their luck was beginning to change.
Aisha’s father realised that her ‘friend’ was the son of the very wealthy local MLA and decided that the relationship had his blessing after all, Inder was able to claim insurance even for the extra Rs.5000 that he had spent and Bina’s family found out that most of the information on Mymum’s matrimonial site account was fake (from his degree to his height!) thereby evening the score in the arranged marriage war.
As orders continue to flow in for the ‘kavach’ images and gifs, Sri Sri Bakwaas ji Maharaj’s chief deputy Whitelady Strangeaccent urges us to buy the original product not to download the image from Google. “The ‘kavach’ images are available in a variety of resolutions and prices, to fit every budget,” she says.
So go ahead and add those duckface selfies from five-star hotel bathrooms! The ‘kavach’ is terminating the stares of the laser-eyed-ladies.