Indian youth everywhere have been rocked by revelations that the well-meaning “aunties” and “uncles” they may or may not be directly related to are actually professional scouters employed by matrimonial sites such as Shaadi.com.
Faking News was intrigued by the increasing number of “why aren’t you married yet?” questions that seemed to be popping up everywhere by common day aunties and uncles and went undercover to discover the source of the above average supposed “interest” in the marital affairs of the youth in the country.
“I am used to being probed constantly about why I’m not married yet by my grandparents and such,” an unfortunate victim of the underhanded program told reporters, “but it got so bad I was getting late to work every day! Aunties and uncles at the train station, in the park while I was walking my dog, even while waiting to use public toilets, would stop me and ask about my plans on marriage.”
Circumstances have become so dire for some like Ashok Tiwari, an IT Test Lead at Infosys; youth have resorted to renting partners just so that they can escape the bombardment of marital questions.
“I have my fake girlfriend on speed dial just in case I am stopped by an aunty or uncle asking when I’m going to be married,” Ashok explained. “She costs me a lot of money, but I am prepared to pay anything as she is in high demand. I am very grateful to her and we meet every week for an hour or so, so I can update her on normal aspects of my life such as reminding her of my surname, when I get a new haircut and what I do for a living to make sure she is believable and to ensure I can continue to escape my parent’s putting my profile up on Shaadi.com!”
Our sting operation has revealed that the network of aunties and uncles employed by such sites is in fact very deep, and there are suggestions that matrimonial site employees may even have infiltrated airport security staff, posing as Custom Officials who scout potential suitors under the guise of asking questions related to visiting visas.
The police, in conjunction with the Indian Government have made an official public statement today informing all youths of their right to refuse to answer any and all marital related questions if they choose, however, have clearly stated that no responsibility will be taken for “tamachas” by well-meaning aunties and uncles for responses they believe to be “badtameez”.
Faking News headquarters is currently under tight security in response to the threatening letters received by aunties and uncles everywhere who believe that the sting operation has ruined the chances of Indian youth being married at the declared “optimum marriageable age”.