Saturday, 23rd September, 2017

People who enquire from online sites like Facebook and Google are aliens

07, Oct 2014 By amuratech

Mumbai. Aliens have infested the internet, especially Facebook and Google, as published by recent reports. They have taken over the internet and are fooling us by impersonating individuals.

Aliens
“Ya, that was me”

Real estate marketers have recently discovered that people generating enquiries for a property on Facebook are unqualified & unreal. However 99% of real estate marketers think that people generating leads from print/offline campaigns are real, qualified and have both intent and money to purchase a property. On the other hand, they believe that the online leads are not even from the Milky Way galaxy (the galaxy where humans like you & me reside, I suppose)!

Highly obsessed with print ads in TOI and other newspapers, marketers think that real people read newspapers only in print medium since they haven’t come across any evidence of people seeing their ads on the internet.

“If it’s not tangible it’s not real,” said a self-proclaimed marketer at a leading real estate company in Mumbai. Adding to this, the sales team also thinks that people who enquire from Facebook are fake, while some even questioned their existence on the Earth (maybe they’re aliens from a different galaxy, they say).

On visiting the site office of one of the high-profile projects in Mumbai, one could easily judge the preference that is given to customers who show their source of enquiry from newspaper ads. The sales team catered to all the whims & fancies of these people, even going to the extent of offering them a free ride back to their homes in a Mercedes. However, a fight broke out within the sales team as to find out who would be allotted to handle leads coming from Facebook / Google. An Aakash tablet was handed over to these customers with a very slow BSNL Internet connection to browse the project details ONLINE.

Meanwhile, most of the real estate company owners felt very proud when they saw their print ad in the Times of India. Some of them have even framed a copy of the print ad and placed it in their office next to the photo of their family… a few of them were caught staring at the newspaper ad the whole day.

This was a very strange and anomalous behavior reported from owners of real estate companies.

We asked Pratik CashDe, a budding economist who talks only in terms of marginal cost benefits; if he has found any relation between the distance of the alien planet from Earth and the quality of leads coming from these online sites. He said, “the relation is very simple, if we take the weighted average of the quality score of the lead and normalize it, you will find the quality of the lead is inversely proportional to the distance from Earth.”

His above statement can be formulated as below –

image

When we tried to contact howsingh.com, an over hyped real estate portal, to comment on this issue we got a very late response as their data science algorithm took 7 days to decide who will speak with us out of their multiple co-founders.

“Our data scientists are working on the problem of finding humans on the Internet. Our drones are already flying in the sky and spying on people who are accessing the howsingh portal. We will provide an aerial view of people generating leads from Facebook and Google as evidence to real estate marketers. This will also add one more service to our portfolio which will be called ‘verified aerial leads’,” said one Howsingh co-founder (who wishes to be named, but we find it inappropriate to name him in this article).

Credits: Vinayak Katkar and Atul Jethmalani