Tuesday, 17th October, 2017

Not a blood donor on FB? GTFO of Nobel Peace Prize 2017 list

10, Oct 2017 By buffoonlogic

Being a blood donor on Facebook is not just a couple of clicks that one can afford to not do, or at-least those who are nominees for 2017 Nobel Peace Prize. Continue reading the shocking revelations that our reporters uncovered.

With 318 nominations for 2017 Nobel Peace Prize, the members of committee were in great turmoil. “With ever increasing number of nominations, and as understaffed as our committee is, we got to work asses off. With 378 nominations in 2016, a few of the employees from the few employees altogether, developed mental health issues and had to be hospitalised. The working conditions here are no different from that of the IT companies of Bangalore”, says a low level employee while wiping off tiny sweat droplets from his shiny forehead.

While Faking News Network attempted to probe further into the into the story, none of the higher officials responded. When the common journalist tactics like shoving the mics into peoples faces did not work, our reporters decided to try the next level. They held an official at gunpoint after kidnapping him to extract the following statement.

Endorsing the claims by earlier mentioned low level employee, the official explained, “The ever increasing nominations left us with no choice.” With no guilt on his face he continued,”We had to protect ourselves. We were looking for a metric to eliminate as many candidates as possible when we stumbled upon the blood donation thing on Facebook. And the whole committee agreed to this idea unanimously.”

While this was a considerably huge breaking news, our greedy tireless journalists kept on torturing him, to extract more information. When asked about the absence of Indian winners in other Nobel Prizes, the official kept mum. As he denied to co-operate further, a blank shot was fired. This made him pee his pants and he resumed speaking.

In his latter statement he agreed that the Indian scientists were not considered for the 2017 Nobel Peace Prize because of the Indian government’s unreasonable actions. During their verification and background checks, the Indian government refused all the claims on the basis of the fact that all their papers and patents were not linked to their Adhaar.

The government officials, as usual, were neither available for comments nor for being kidnapped.