Saturday, 25th November, 2017

Govt announces 1GB free internet scheme for girls paying themselves for mobile phone recharge, friendzoned faction hapless

05, Jan 2017 By Mayur Choudhari

New Delhi. After the schemes announced by the PM on 31st December, the government extended the charade and announced a new scheme for women in general. It is often a topic of national debate that girls never recharge their phones themselves and usually delegate this necessity to their friendzoned “boy-friends”.

Shocked Airtel girl
Airtel girl’s reaction

Taking cognizance on this matter, government today announced that every girl who pays her own charge or bill for mobile phone would now enjoy 1 GB free internet. Speaking on the occasion, the Finance Minister said this had been decided after a significant number of messages received by the PMO on social media that demonetization had led to their relationship fallout. He said, “We received complaints from the youth cadre of the party that since they were already cash strapped because of demonetization, they were not even able to recharge their phones properly, forget about their crush. Some of them even complained that their one sided affairs were over just because they could not recharge the girl’s phone anymore. Since our party cadre mainly comprises of such one sided, unrequited and jilted lovers(he later clarified that he meant that people in relationships are too busy to attend speeches or wake up early to run around wearing khaki shorts.. err..pants!), we decided to address this problem.”

As per the charter released by the government, every recharge by every girl would now be eligible for free data. A reporter tried to ask the minister about the details of where the revenue for free internet would come from and how the government planned to track recharges to avoid false claims, but was silenced. The minister however, obliged to his question and as is customary, made an appeal to the nation to bear the consequences for further 50 days.

He further went on to harp upon the benefits of the scheme. Amongst the long list that he mentioned, prevention of heart break, test of true love and decrease in the friend-zoned populace were a few.

Reacting to the announcement, Majnu Kumar(named changed), president of the Babu-Shona-Friendzone Association(BSF), condemned the move and called it unfair. He said the move broke their hearts on an emotional since now the girls would no longer keep them in the friendzone leaving lakhs of his association members in despair. Arvind Kejriwal, after realizing the futility of his claim, decided to side with Majnu Kumar. Mamata Banerjee also joined in and said that the move was undemocratic. She also said that she fully understood the state of mind of single people and this was oppression on them. Rahul Gandhi has reportedly has applied for BSF membership but was denied as he failed to qualify their minimum criteria.

Girls, on the other hand, seemed to be ecstatic on the decision.Speaking exclusively to us, Sonam Gupta, of the 2000 note Bewafaa message fame said she was happy that girls like her would benefit with this scheme. She urged other girls to come forward and declare themselves Bewafaa. #BeingBewafa is trending on twitter ever since.

We hope that this move makes the BSF members realize the truth and dedicate their efforts in other fruitful ventures.