Saturday, 24th June, 2017

Facebook outage sparks a global Armageddon scare

25, Jun 2014 By neopolitik

19th June would probably go down in history as one of the darkest days in the history of Global Socio-Economic and Geo-political equations. Financial Indicators plummeted right from Nikkei to Wall Street sparking global panic and governments pressing on all panic buttons to curb impending financial deficits.

Some experts have even compared it with the great American Meltdown of the ’30s.  Morgan Stanley estimated the resultant financial loss to the tune of 136 Quintilian US Dollars to the Global Economy.

This all began when Facebook went temporarily down for 15 minutes wreaking havoc among the global workforce. There are reports emerging from Global Offices on how employees started to get panic attacks. Within few minutes, this outage has snowballed into a global scare.

In India, the situation was not different. Nation wide Private sector employees marched out of their offices and started sitting on Dharnas. In Cyber City, Gurgaon, there were reports of Public demonstrations and Destruction of DLF property to protest the Facebook outage. It was the same scenario in Hyderabad, Bangalore, Mumbai, Noida, Pune and other metros.

Some AAP Members have reached out to NASSCOM to consult them to carry out effective dharnas, choice of location, PR Management and Drafting of Right to Facebook bill so that the Mango people of India are not bereft of Facebook for even a single moment.  AAP has assured NASSCOM of full support to pressurise the government into passing the Face(book)pal  bill in the Budget Session before the Budget is announced. AAP has started sending the SMSs as well to reach Ramleela maidan to protest and push for Face(book)pal bill.

Dr Vinod Kumar, Chief Spokesperson with Institute of Mental Health and Hospital, Agra said in a press release that this has caused unprecedented surge in their OPD because people were not able to share their copy-pasted updates, inspirational quotes, Make-you-jealous holiday pics or even pry on their ex-flames which caused Depression, Panic Attacks, OCD, Bipolar Disorders and even Criminal Psychotic tendencies. According to sources, Ministries of Home, Finance, Health, IT and even Animal Husbandry have already initiated a joint operation to contain the aftermath of this outage.

Anubhuti (Name changed), an employee of a top IT MNC in Mumbai went under severe depression when her latest beach holiday pics did not register even a single like for 15 Minutes. She collapsed on her work station as she kept staring on her mobile for notifications. Mehul (Name Changed), a manager in a top market research firm told the reporters how he panicked which increased his blood pressure as he was looking at the pics of his ex flame’s Honeymoon and suddenly he thought that IT Dept has caught him leching and a warning mail will come in his inbox with a cc to his Dept Head.

Online traffic on other social media sites surged tremendously just to announce the Facebook outage. Office across Twitter, LinkedIn, Pinterest, Reddit, Quora, YouTube etc have huddled up to ideate on how to effectively monetise the sudden surge  in traffic due to #FBBlackout. Google has called an urgent meeting in their headquarters in Mountain View, California with the rest of the global offices logged in Google Hangout to figure out strategies to dust off and relaunch Orkut. Google might also be coming up with a global advertising campaign to promote Orkut as a preferred platform to announce outages on other Social Media sites.

Reportedly, some sites are frantically reaching out to media agencies to sponsor Facebook outage news sections as netizens are flocking there to get the latest news. Unconfirmed sources have suggested that the going rates are even dwarfing IPL sponsorship rates as well.

Conspiracy theories abound. Unconfirmed reports suggest there might be a hand of NSA who is getting bashed up in the name of Privacy. Some sources in political quarters are viewing it in connection with Congress which has somehow bribed the Facebook guys to shut so that the people stop joking about the election fiasco. However, according to unconfirmed sources, some Facebook insiders are blaming this fiasco to an Operations Executive based in Palo Alto referred only as “Pappu”, who had joined office just after flying back from his hometown Bulandshahar in India where was meeting prospective brides, joined office straight from airport and while working, he just dosed off knocking his mouse and in the process, clicking on a “Restricted” button…