Friday, 22nd September, 2017

Boy fails to commit suicide, sues the ISP

05, Nov 2012 By dumb doc

Rohtak/Roorkee: For the 22-year old Honhaar Dafar*, the intervening night of November 4-5 was easily the longest night of his life; and an agonising one for sure. A final year medical student at the hitherto unknown Post Graduate Institute of Medical Sciences (PGIMS), Rohtak; Dafar had seemed to have found the love of his life in Bitchina Chaloo*, a 2nd year civil engineering student at the prestigious Indian Institute of Technology (IIT), Roorkee.

The couple had been having a rollicking affair for the past one year until of late when their differences got the better of them. It was on the fateful night of November 4 that while making out on going through their routine webcam sessions, they had a heated argument. As later revealed by Dafar: “Bitchy had been avoiding my phone calls for over a month now and that night I was so angry that I simply decided to hang myself live on the webcam. All the while she kept chanting ‘all izz well.. all izz well’… For God’s sake it was not as easy as Aamir Khan delivering Mona Singh’s baby!”

Dafar was so agonized that he then hung himself up from his ceiling fan all the while his webcam was still on. But unfortunately, fate had a different plan for him. The internet connection kept tanking repeatedly and he frequently had to get down midway from his hanging spree to reset the connection. This entire ordeal proved so traumatising for the couple that they ended up falling asleep from sheer exhaustion.

The next morning, after getting no response from him, his parents forced their way inside his room and found their honhaar son lying in a pool of utter mess. Assuming him dead they called up India TV for a voyeuristic experience. In the ensuing melee, Dafar woke up, horrified and dismayed at the same time on not being able to hatch his ultimate moment of fame. “If it not had been for that stupid internet, my ‘hanging’ would have been beamed repeatedly by the news channels and I would have been a national sensation by now! I wish I had rehearsed my act before. Now everyone will be mocking me in the college”, said a visibly dishevelled Dafar.

But the sordid saga was not supposed to end there. Honhaar’s parents have now decided to move consumer court against their Internet Service Provider: BSNL (Bekaar Service and Network Limited) in order to secure justice for their son. Our reporter caught up with Dafar in order to make sense of the proceedings. “If not for their appalling internet service I would have had succeeded in my suicide stunt. Now that I am alive and kicking, I might just find myself a new girlfriend, study and be a good doctor, and be happy all over again! Do you have ANY idea how much happiness costs in this country? Who will foot the girl’s bills? Who will pay for my exorbitant tuition fees; and above all, who will fund all the bribes that I will be required to pay?” said Dafar in a riled demeanour.

Meanwhile, the Mahila Arakshan Nyaymurti (MAN) a national organisationfor chauvinistic women has recommended Chaloo’s name for a gallantry award for being brave enough to abet the suicide watch her friend during his gory act.

*Their real identities have not been concealed because there was not much to hide, really.