Thursday, 22nd March, 2018

Words in phrases like 'youth in politics', 'women empowerment', 'opening the system' demand euthanasia from Oxford dictionary

27, Feb 2014 By vinay pandey

In a disturbing turn of events several words like ‘youth’, ’empowerment’, ‘opening’, ‘decentralization’ have demanded from Oxford Dictionary that they be removed from English language and their usage banned immediately.

Rahul Gandhi
Word killer

The words in phrase “escape velocity” too have sought an exclusion only from text books instead of a full fledged removal from the language itself.

“Though these demands are not new, the recent speeches and interview of Rahul Baba have bruised me and my friends so badly that we will settle with nothing less than mercy killing,” said another dejected word ‘youngster’ to our ‘reporter’ word.

“We have been used and abused again and again by Mr Gandhi. He makes us feel empty. This has to stop. If he can’t then please euthanise us,” said the word ’empowerment’ which is among the top words brutalised by Rahul Baba umpteen times especially in phrase ‘women empowerment’.

The word ‘democracy’  joined in outscreaming ‘dynasty’ , “I am a word of honour. How dare he utter me. It’s like Tom praising Jerry and inviting him for dinner.”

“See we have always been at loggerheads with our arch rivals ‘dynasty’, ‘corruption’, ‘stupidity’ etc etc and despite the odds we haven’t been completely wiped out. But Mr Gandhi using us in his speeches is a body blow like nothing else. Now all are enemies make fun of us. They taunt us that Mr Gandhi is our messiah and our days our numbered ”, said the words ‘democracy’, ‘honesty’, ‘intelligence’ in singular voice.

They continued, “We would suggest Mr Gandhi to stop believing his mother who thinks her son is Vishnu’s last avatar and instead watch recordings of his speeches/interviews himself.”

“Once I asked him ‘my’ meaning, he thought for few seconds and said “Mummy says poison is power, and you are ’empower’ so you must be a poison brand that I don’t know about,” added an agitated word ’empower’. The phrase ‘common sense’ and ‘intellgence’ chuckled at this.

The Oxford Dictionary has released an official statement saying that they are seriously considering the demands of these words.”They are all honourable words. While we cannot stop Mr Gandhi from using these words, we can definitely euthanise them and save them the embarrasment and pain.”

The effect of this bizarre development is not restricted to English language.  The Hindi conterparts of agitating english words believe they are at the biggest risk of being targetted by Mr Gandhi after the protesting english words are euthanised.

Hindi words like “sashaktikaran”, “yuva”, “emandari”, “samajhdari”, “vikendrikaran” have issued a statement in protest bluntly saying ” arre bhai, angrezi ke baad hamein kyun nishana banaya jaaye. Yeh sajjan Itawali bhasha ke shabdon ka prayog karein. Agar zaroorat padi toh hum bhi samadhi le lenge lekin Pappu ke moonh katai nahin lagenge.

Manmohan Singh is said to be happy with this new development and reported to have disclosed to his close confidant. “He was always dumb. Now he will be dumb literally. Those were the only words he knew. He will carry my legacy forward.”

Apart from Mr Singh, we also found someone else happy, the word ‘Pappu’, who is expecting to make it to the Oxford Dictionary this time. It had missed opportunities when despite its popularity in phrase “Pappu paas ho gaya” and “Pappu can’t dance saala”, Oxford Dictionary people had dismissed its claim.

“I am back and this time I am Rahul Baba”,  a confident ‘Pappu’ word tweeted.