Monday, 11th December, 2017

When Arvind wrote an open letter to his alter ego

30, May 2014 By fightamonkey

Dear Arvind,

Since writing open letters has become so commonplace, I thought writing one to my alter ego would be a befitting ode to my own existence. Afterall how could this be an uncommon letter to the most common man since RK Laxman created his ever so lovable one for the most commonly read newspaper in India. I think I have lived up to my name by coming out of the cell which once was a home to a VIP named Anna Hazare. I think I should take this to the junta and tell them why I decided to furnish the bail.

Arvind Kejriwal
Kejriwal talking to his mirror image.

Not to mention, I have the most awesomest honestest intentions in the whole wide world. I may even come close to Gandhi (the original one). May be even surpassing him. And when I look around, I see evil everywhere. This is a downright wretched society. All the big people are corrupt, no matter how humble their background is. Also everyone is hand in gloves with these big ticket politicians. I don’t really care about the political and governance experience they have in their respective states as I think (and what I think is affirmed by the universe too) utopia doesn’t need any. All that is needed is what I have, and I have whatever is needed. (see, I can play with words too)

Also I am flexible. When in Kashi I turn into a spiritualist nonpareil. I take dip in the holy Ganga, perform a nondescript aarti like any other commoner, despite being a staunch atheist, unlike some who want to take permission citing flimsy reasons like it might turn chaotic if the administration doesn’t take proper steps, and get denied (bwahahahahahahahahah. me-1 them-0). Poof!!

As a matter of fact, ours is the only party that lives up to its name. Only 20% of who were given a LS ticket were celebrities, as against 100% by the crony hand in gloves and in pants and shirts party (though they became famous by being in politics all this while is a completely different story altogether. And that’s a lousy way to get famous, I say. Also please note that I used a singular when I used ‘party’. The rest are freedom fighters, who have been fighting everyone who want freedom)

How can we forget our masterstroke? We stood for our values and principles when we resigned telling everyone that we are doing so because Congoons and BJPtards didn’t support our beloved Jan Lokpal (I dont really understand though, that why everyone in the country is saying that these parties were not opposed to the bill, but only opposed to the way it was tabled in the assembly. I should have tabled it in the Ram Leela maidan). But in that we found another honester intention. That of getting rid of politicians who fly in corporate jets (India Today – the jet you had sent me didn’t have the 80 years old fine single malt scotch as I had requested. You are next on my list to be purified now) by contesting more seats than the BJP and Congress were contesting. It was a double whammy for us. We lost ground in Delhi and deposits nationwide. But you don’t see the greater good behind this mammoth exercise. we credited the coffers with our deposit money thereby cutting the fiscal deficit by almost half (49% to be precise. Wonder why this number is so familiar. Anyways, as you can also see, I don’t lie. Bachon ki kasam khata hun). We are the perpetual optimists and see the glass half full as against some greedy power hungry politicians who will not leave the air in the glass as well and sell it to the crony capitalists. As can be easily deduced, we are the ones who this country looks up to. Even when we have not been given a mandate.

Sincerely yours

Sir Honestival

(Knighted by the Kent Duke of Gurgaon, Sir Yogendra Yadav, in the holy presence of His Excellency Pope Prashant Bhushan, bestowed with blessings from Begum Shazia Ilmi)