Tuesday, 27th June, 2017

What if Kejriwal was Railway Minister? This would be his budget

09, Jul 2014 By Guruprasad

What if Kejriwal was the railway minister?

This would be his railway budget:

Introduction of “Swaraj” trains: In these trains, irrespective of which seat you have reserved, you can sit anywhere. Also, you can pull the chain whenever and wherever you want to disembark. If your house is in the middle of a forest, you can pull the chain when the train traverses through that part of the forest so that you can safely get down and reach home. Swaraj to aam aadmi.

Arvind Kejriwal
Badhiya hai ji

Introduction of “Referendum” trains: These trains do not have any pre-determined or fixed routes. People can start entering the stationary train from 6am and once it is filled with passengers by 11am, a referendum will be held on where each passenger wants to go. The referendum for each train will be held through multiple means including SMS, missed calls, online forms etc and even people from Saudi Arabia, China, Afghanistan etc can vote in the referendum in addition to the train passengers. The destination/route where majority wants to go will be finalized as the route for that train.

Dharna compartments: Each train will have atleast 2 compartments without seats or chairs where passengers can do a dharna against anything they want to. Stones, sticks, leather balls, chairs etc will be provided at nominal rental prices by railways so that passengers on dharna can use these props to “peacefully” throw them against each other to express their grievance.

Mobile alerts: Anybody can register for this with just a missed call so that during the journey if  Kejriwal or any of his associates are criticized by anybody, an alert will be sent to these passengers so that they can turn their compartment into (the previously explained) “Dharna compartment” (by detaching the seats) and sit on a dharna to protest against the criticism towards Kejriwal or his associate.

Cleanliness: Each passenger will be requested to voluntarily buy a jhaadu (so that the money goes as donation to the party) and using this jhaadu, they can clean their seats themselves

Toilet modernization: Each toilet will be fitted with imported JBL speakers (because the Indian brand Ahuja speakers CEO was seen posing for a photo with Ambani which means he is Ambani agent and hence his speakers are boycotted). These JBL speakers will play a recorded chorus saying “Atleast he is doing something”. This way, somebody who relieves himself in this toilet and hears the “Atleast he is doing something” chorus,  will think he has done something important & feel special.

Special 49 scheme for train drivers: Considering the boredom & difficulties a train driver has to go experience in his monotonous job, this “Special 49” scheme is designed as a driver friendly policy. If a normal train driver gets bored of his train route, he has to still drive for 48 minutes. If he is still bored, he can just stop the train at the 49th minute (even if it is in the middle of a forest) and run away from it and apply for driver post of the new upcoming bullet trains.