By banning exit polls until Dec 4, 2013, Election Commission (EC) has changed the electoral fortune of UPA government. “These polls were biased and funded by crony capitalists to swing voters in favor of communally divisive Narendra Modi, the NDA’s prime ministerial candidate”, said the Congress veteran from Madhya Pradesh, Digvijay Singh after the EC’s announcement.
A private pre-poll survey (still allowed by EC) commissioned by Singh, concludes that Congress along with its key ally RJD, and on and off allies DMK and TMC, will retain power for the third time with one change of course. Rahul Gandhi, the youth icon will head the next UPA government since the incumbent Dr. Manmohan Singh has declined to lead the government for its third term sighting work life balance issues.
In continuation with his revolutionary approach to realpolitik, Rahul Gandhi (his last act was ‘rubbishing’ the ordinance on convicted politicians that cost Laloo his parliament seat), expressed interest in having a reformed cabinet. A three-member committee headed by Kapil Sibbal along with Manish Tewari and Ajay Maken, was tasked to come up with implementable recommendations in 24 hours.
Wasting no time, Kapil Sibbal Committee has come up with a revamped cabinet structure with some brand new ministries and proposed names to head them. Faking news could a get copy of the Sibbal Committee report from a highly reliable anonymous source, though with questionable reputation as the source claims to have the list of Modi’s cabinet ministers as well.
The report of Kapil Sibbal Committee says –“to take the country to the next level under the young and dynamic leadership of Rahul Gandhiji, the committee recommends the creation of Ministry of Social Media (justified by the growing role of social media in influencing urban middle class) and Ministry of CBI, among others.”
It further says – “given its crucial role in managing coalition governments, CBI should be brought under the direct control of the government and hence the need for a new ministry for the premier investigative agency. Further, in the true spirit of coalition dharma, the government needs to rehabilitate loyal, veteran politicians and former ministers under UPA –I & II with enhanced responsibilities in order to benefit from their expertise and experience, in furthering the cause of public interest and fighting communal forces.”
Here the proposed list of new ministries and names of the person supposed to head them subject to concurrence of the high command and Chairperson.
Prime Minister: Rahul Gandhi Ministry of Propaganda and Counter Propaganda: Digvijay Singh Ministry of Ethics and Public Probity: Sanjay Jha Ministry of Social Media Control: Shashi Tharoor Ministry of Communal Harmony: Jagdish Tytler Ministry of Women Empowerment: Rabri Devi Ministry of Sports (excluding Cricket and Wrestling): A Raja (to rehabilitate him since is without any ministerial berth for quite some time) Ministry of Cricket: Rajeev Shukla (to utilize his experience as IPL Commissioner) Ministry of Wrestling: Sangram Singh (the likely winner of Big Boss -7) Ministry of Bilateral Affairs (Bangladesh): (reserved for a nominee of Mamta Banerjee, the leader of TMC) Ministry of Culture & Hospitality: Beni Prasad Verma Ministry of CBI: Ashwini Kumar (Cabinet Rank), Ranjit Sinha (Minister of State)
The other ministries will retain the incumbents in the light their excellent public service record in the last two terms of UPA governments.
PS:This is a work of fiction. Please read it for fun only.
(The author is currently working on his first satirical novel, “Babunama” – which is loosely based on the lives and events of petty government officials in a fictional government office called Dept. of Prevention, Ministry of Good Governance)