Tuesday, 20th February, 2018

To counter Modi, UPA decides to field Advani for PM

16, Aug 2013 By prasannakarthik

In a startling late night development, the Congress High command met at 10 Janpath and decided to field LK Advani as its Prime Ministerial candidate. The decision was taken based on a detailed report submitted by Ajay Makan, Head of the Congress Media cell.

As per the report, the contest between Manmohan Singh and Narendra Modi it is a clear no brainer contest and Singh is no match to Modi.  The report emphasizes that the comparison between the two speeches seemed like a contest between Roger Federer & Leander Paes’ cook. Apparently, sources from the PMO confirmed to Ajay Makan that as part of the speech, Manmohan Singh actually had a long & detailed paragraph on the economy and on how the UPA Government planned to revive it in the next 8 months; it also included a 9 point plan penned by P Chidambaram on how to strengthen the rupee and make it equal to his son’s age and not his. But the Prime Minister was too impatient to rush home and listen to Modi’s message of hope, that he completely skipped this part of his speech.

LK Advani
Advani couldn’t control his happiness after UPA’s announcement.

The report also notes that it is Modi’s speech that made people take note of Manmohan Singh’s speech. Anonymous sources from Sonia Gandhi’s kitchen confirmed that the Prime Minister’s speech drew attention only because Modi made repeated references to it. Sources in the IB confirmed that until yesterday, many in India believed that the last Prime Ministerial Independence Day address happened on 15th August 2003 and not later. In a clandestine survey conducted by AC – Neilson for the Congress party, it emerged that till yesterday 65% of Indians believed that the PM lost his speaking abilities soon after the 2009 polls and 50% of this sample population still believes that the PM’s speech was pre-recorded.  Apparently many who listened to Modi’s speech were left wondering whom Modi was referring to when he kept repeating ‘Pradhan Mantriji,’ time and again though his speech.

In an anonymous interview, Digvijay Singh expressed concern and opined that if Manmohan Singh, a PhD with Oxford & Cambridge connections is no match to Modi, then Rahul Gandhi with no clue on what he studied and where he studied, will not be a match even to Modi’s kurta-pyjama. So Digvijay Singh has painfully but dutifully advised Sonia Gandhi that it is best to keep Rahul as a PM in waiting till Priyanka’s kids grew up. And Rahul has been instructed to take regular lessons on his Prince-in-waiting duties from Prince Charles. Rahul has formed a core team to read through all private letters of Nehru written to Edwina Mountbatten, to learn how exactly the Italian Connection to United Kingdom can be established the Indian way.

As part of UPA’s strategy to make 2014 polls a real contest, the UPA has decided to field LK Advani as its Prime Ministerial candidate. This apparently strengthens Congress’ claim for inclusive politics. And even if Advani loses, the UPA will point at him and claim that a secular India has rejected the communal BJP.

When Salman Kurshid contacted LK Advani with this proposal, Advani gladly agreed to the proposal; apparently Advani was making his blog entry against Modi, when Kurshid reached his residence at Prithviraj road. Advani has decided to make re-building the Babri Masjid as his central poll issue and has decided to go on a yatra to mobilize support for the same.

And with Rahul Gandhi being asked not to contest the polls, Dig Vijay Singh tweeted:  “#Rahulji has decided not to contest the next LS polls because just like our Madam #Soniaji, our #Rahulji also wants accountability without power. What a sacrifice at such a young age?”

Commemorating this moment of monumental sacrifice by Rahul Gandhi, Manish Tiwari has moved a private members bill in the parliament asking the Government to rename the Food Security Bill to ‘Rahul Gandhi National Food Guarantee Foolish Act’. Tiwari has also asked the Prime Minister to extend the provisions of the scheme to the poor in Pakistan and Bangladesh.

As this report was being written with inputs from the PTI, Sushma Sawaraj just sent a SMS to MMS asking if the Congress High Command is looking for a Deputy Prime Ministerial Candidate as well.