New Delhi: To embarrass Kejriwal and company, their ex- best friend came out with what he claimed as ‘real’ inside survey. According to him while he was doing his hundreds of inside surveys for the party, he did one of his own. “ And I didn’t use the party stationary, if you are going to point out corrupt practices. All the papers and pens we used for this survey were my own. I had kept some money in my (piggy) bank for such huge expenses.”
When he announced this from top of the old taxi he had hired for this use, the people, mostly presswalas, his ex-ex colleagues, were intrigued. It was a new facet of Yadav, the data man! Always known for coming out with ,breaking news, using decade old data, this suspense of 2-3 minutes was a killer! And the suspense was not due to Yadav’s own initiative. No one could hear him in the melee outside the party office and frankly cared in the beginning!
“I have come out with many finding, but the main fundamental fact is there is no AAM Adami in Delhi”. There was hushed silence. Yadav continued. “We, I mean my volunteer friends without using party machinery, asked nearly half the Delhi people. The sample size was huge. But we came to this conclusion that there is no AAM Admi to be found in Delhi”.
“What you mean Mr Yadav? Nation wants to know!!” one voice boomed out of the crowd. “Well, we define AAM ADMI as an ordinary person. But what we found is, all are ‘Non ordinary’ in Delhi.” “We sampled 50 % of the population. All wanted themselves to be asked, if they are ordinary persons. Leaving oneself out was first mark that they were really ordinary. So each one insisted to be questioned. Out of this sample, 38.33 % were either brothers, sisters, brother in laws, sons, daughters etc, of some politician. Then 43.33 % claimed that their brother, sister, brother in law, sister in law, uncle, aunt, Mother in law or father in law etc know some politician very closely. Then 23.37% claimed that they are either of the following. A) Social activists with ‘clean image’ which makes them above ordinary. B) Business men with millions in Indian banks, billions stashed in benami assets and trillions in foreign banks. Though their attire and appearance said otherwise, they insisted that they are not some AAM altu faltu guys. C) Auto walas, anyone with a vehicle of any number of tyers , public servants, govt employees incl policemen here, who said they are decision makers of when and where anyone moves, or does, or gets . So off course, they are not ordinary. D) And fixers. All those Delhiwalas who don’t come in these categories but know many of them and fix any problem in life”, ends Yadav.
“But Mr. Yadav, the total of your percentages comes beyond 100%. How dare you, add up more than 100% Mr Yadav?”
Mr. Yadav was about to say something …again that Voice boomed… “Nation wants to know Mr Yadav, how dare you , to go beyond principles of mathematics?”
“This is another point. As Delhi as a city, refuses to be counted as any other ordinary Indian city, the addition cannot be ordinary. Some hyperbole or exaggeration is bound to come in. And that’s why my ex friends decided to contest here first. If they win here all other smaller ordinary cities will be the pieces of the cake!”
“But Mr. Yadav, why you polled only 50%. Why not all 100% of Delhi population?” one lady reporter known for asking deep and profound intellectual questions , asked with expression of gotcha! on her face.
“Answer is simple. The remaining 50% are ‘real’ VVIPs, VVVIps, and VVVVIPS with Z, Z+, Z++ or Z++++ securities who claimed they are ‘non ordinary’ people who will need our findings to decide about remaining AAM adamis! They humbly said Hamari aukat kya hai ke aapko answers de?“
And then Non Aam Admi policemen, started their non ordinary business of beating everyone!