Tuesday, 20th March, 2018

Sonia agrees to donate 1% of her wealth, to bailout Greece completely and support it for next 7 years

10, Jul 2015 By Pagla Ghoda

New Delhi: Sources have told Faking News that Sonia ji has finally agreed to bail out Greece completely from current financial crises and also support all Greek populist programs for the next 7 years. This however will lead to a decrease in her wealth by around 1 percent. While the exact amount of this bail-out package is not yet known, this donation has reportedly beaten the recent record set by Warren Buffett wherein he donated $2.84bn to Gates Foundation and charities.

While Greek people are now eager to know the terms and conditions which Sonia ji will now set upon Greek people in lieu of this generous donation, Sonia herself has declined to comment on the issue. Sonia’s spokesman Dr. Digvijay Jha also declined to comment on the issue earlier, but when requested by a few female reporters from various news channels, he agreed for a quick interview:

Sonia ji's heart is so big. Lets support her with this noble cause.
Sonia ji’s heart is so big. Lets support her in this noble cause.

Reporters Hema, Jaya, Rekha: Namaste Digvijay ji Digvijay: Namaste Deviyon. Hema: Sir, what is the total amount being donated as part of this bailout package? Digvijay: A few trillion dollars, may be, no one knows the exact amount. We will just keep donating until they require the money. In any case total hit to our coffers is little less than 1%. So we are not really bothered about the exact amount. Jaya: And what are your conditions? Digvijay: Oh I am in a perfect condition ma’am, declared medically fit for action. I even have a certificate from a senior doctor at AIIMS. [Gives a raunchy smile] Rekha: No sir, she meant what conditions will you be imposing on Greece in return of this generous donation? Digvijay: Well no conditions as such. Some mandatory employment deals, some financial inclusion contracts, some land deals, some import export ideas, hassle free immigration in and out of Greece for a specific individual, these are some of the initial ideas. We will also change names of all airports, railway stations, schools, colleges and roads in Greece to give them all a fresh look. A lot of such developmental efforts are in pipeline. Hema: Developmental efforts? Digvijay: Yes we believe a sensible investment into the country’s populist programs will keep the fire burning and may kick-start the economy sooner or later. At some times you invest the money, at other times you take it out. If you regularly keep trying in and out, once in a while you will succeed. Rekha: And what do you think caused this whole crisis in the first place? Digvijay: Greed ….. Baba’s greed ….. To be honest I told Sonia ji not to let baba withdraw more money than required for his Thailand expenses. But she didn’t listen to me. Baba spent more than usual when he bought a group of islands, and all that money was routed out of our investments in Greece. Facing the sudden liquidity crunch, the banks started running out of cash and started to crumble. Debt Ratios worsened and whole country was downgraded by various financial agencies. Thankfully I had put huge amount of money in put options hedging on inevitability of this collapse. I gained a lot. Jaya: Isn’t that like insider trading? Digvijay: Bahut samajhdaar ladki ho tum. No technically it’s not insider trading, I am just an outsider. Ok ladies I need to go now, baba will be waking up anytime now and he usually needs a cup of warm milk with Oreo cookies just after he wakes up, so I got to arrange that. But see you girls later. Keep the questions coming. Hema, Jaya, Rekha: Thank you sir.