Saturday, 21st October, 2017

Skit – A Day in Parliament, Agenda - Bill on convicted netas

04, Nov 2013 By politicalbaaba

Speaker: Agenda, Bill on People’s Representation Act, complex hai, simply Bill on convicted netas. Manmohanji will present the bill for the govt.

10 Seconds MMS doesn’t speak.

Speaker: Manmohanji aap so rahe hai kya?

Manmohan : Speaker sir sorry. Who jara aankh lag gayi thi. Kya karein is umar mein bhi sone ko kahan milta hai. Ek toh desh ki chinta hai aur doosre taraf madam, baba aur daamaad ki chinta hai. Oh nahinji mera matlab meri maa, beti aur jamai ki chinta.

Jaitley: Laughs. Speaker sir, Manmohan ji kya bakwas kar rahe hain. Parliament ka time barbaad kar rahe hain. Desh jal raha hai aur mujhe BCCI ki meeting mein bhi jaana hai.

Lalu : Jaitleyji baith jaiyee. Aap communal forces Pradhan Mantri ko bhi nahin bolne denge kya? Desh jal raha hai to 101 dial kijiye, fire brigade bulayiye. Meri jaan atki padi hai. 30th ko final hearing hai.

Manmohan : Khair lets proceed. The govt. presents bill that netas convicted by lower courts will be allowed to contest elections until held guilty by Supreme Court. TV pe dekha tha 120-130 MPS rapists, thugs aur murderers hain, mera matlab hai aise aarop hain unpe. Agar Supreme  Court ki baat maan lein to pura Parliament hi khali ho jayega.

Speaker: Leader of Oposition Jaitley ji aap boliye.

Jaitley: Speaker sir we oppose the bill in its entirety. Desh imandar neta chahta hai. Mujhe bada dukh hai ki Manmohanji jaise imandar Prime Minister ne aisa bill pesh kiya hai. Yeh to jag jaahir hai ki who kisko bacha rahe hain (madam, baba aur damad ko).

Lalu : Are aap kabse imandar ho gaye Jaitleyji? Suna hai BCCI / IPL mein badi paisa hai aur yahan pe kya hai babaji ka thulla. Advaniji bhi to Babri masjid aur Hawala scam mein accused hain. Are unke jinda rahte to yeh case solve nahin hoga, par mere sir pe to talwar latak rahi hai. Jaanam samjha karo.

Speaker: Laluji aap baith jaaiye. Jaitleyji ko bolne dijiye.

Jaitley: Hum is bill ka virodh karte hain. Hamare PM candidate Modiji iske khilaaf hain.

Lalu : Modiji kabse khilaaf ho gaye. 24×7 twitter pe rahte hain lekin ek bhi tweet nahin kiya iske virodh mein. Modiji ke khilaaf khude bahut case hai, unke chela Amit Shah pe bhi. I am warning you, jis tarah CBI ko kutte ki tarah Modiji ke peeche choda hai, kahin woh khud hi convict na ho jaayen. UNko milega babaji ka thulla. Yeh sardar asardaar hai.

Jaitley: Laluji aap baith jaiyee. Samosa mein aloo aaj bhi hai, lekin Bihar se Lalu ke vanvaas ko 10 saal se bhi upar ho gaya hai. Laughs. Gau ko mata bolte hain aur gau mata ka hi chaara kha gaye. Yeh sab convicted neta logon ko disqualify karo.

Sonia : Hum dekh rahein hai. Bhrasthachar bimari ki tarah badhta ja raha hai. Hum ko usko rokna hoga. Desh ka yuvak sawal pooch raha hai. Hum yeh bill pass nahin hone denge. Hum is bill ka virodh karte hain.

Jaitley laughs, Lalu and Manmohan put their hand on their heads.

Manmohan: Madam, sorry to interject you, but bill hamne pesh kiya hai, hum bill ke favour mein hain, virodh mein nahin.

Sonia: Are yaar yeh galat paper kisne rakh diya, yeh Ahmed Patel bhi bekaar aadmi hai.

Rahul enters & touches feet of Sonia.

Sonia: Kahan the beta?

Rahul: Maa main video game khel raha that Parliament library mein (Super Mario). Aaj maine Stage I clear kiya.

Sonia: Is bill ka kya karein?

Rahul: Maa yeh bijli bill bakwaas hai, “nonsense hai”. Is bill ko phaad ke phek do, maine itna video game nahin khela hai.

Chaos in house.

Sonia: Beta kya chada kea aye ho?

Rahul: Main boost ka naya flavour pe ke aaya hun. Boost is the secret of my intelligence. Main stage II khelne jaa rahun.

Sonia: Manmohanji aap yeh bill wapis le lo.

Lalu: Yeh kya ho raha hai bhai. Sardar mera kya hoga. Maine aapka namak khaya hai.

Manmohan: Ab jail ki roti bhi khaa, woh bhi free ki hai.

Lalu: Rabri aur mere 8 bachchon (shayad 9 hain, yaad nahin, Rabri ko phone karta hun, kahir chodo) ka kya hoga. Jail mein ac bhi nahin hai, sone mein badi dikkat hogi. Aur hamne to sirf 37 crores ka ghapla kiya hai. Aapki sarkar ne to bade bade ghaple kiye hain, uska kya? Uske aage to mera ghotala decimals mein hai. Madam aap bhool gaye ki Rahul ki sundarta aur sehat ka raaj hamare tabele ka ghee / makhkhan hai.

Jaitley: Are yeh kya ho raha hai. Yeh to PM ki pagdi uchchal di hai Rahul ne, he should apologise. Aise kaise yeh bill wapis le sakte hain. Under section 43, bill once proposed cannot be rolled back.

Manmohan: Pagdi hi uchchali hai. Naada to bacha hua hai. Kya karein, bahut shararati bachcha hai.

Jaitley: Aise kaise waapis le loge. Credit hamko milna chahiye.

Lalu: Madam yeh bahut galat ho raha hai. Hamne hamesha sicular forces.

Jaitley: Secular not sicular.

Lalu: Haan haan secular are jo bhi hai, secular forces ko majboot kiya hai. Kuch kijiye.

Madam: Laluji hum jail mein aapka khayal rakhenge. Aapko khana ka dabba leke roj Robert chartered plane se aayenge (lunch mein pizza, dinner mein pasta aur Italian wine bhi). Aakhir Rahul ki image ka sawal hai.

Lalu: Yeh galat hai! Yesh sardar bekaar hai.

Manmohan: Are ab main kya bolun? Kya bolne ke liye choda hai baba ne mere liye. Dono maa beta milke meri lete rahte hain. Dam hai to PM ban ke dikhao (video game khlene. Boost peene aur kharrate lene nahin milega). I oppose the bill which I had proposed and withdraw it.

Jaitley: Yeh galat hai. Are Modi ka phone aa raha hai. Kya bolun? Yeh galat hai!

Manmohan: Aap to bill ka virodh kar rahe the, bill waapis le liya, hamara bill hai hum jab marji wapis le le.