Monday, 25th September, 2017

SaPa Supremo* Akhil-ess Yadav inaugurates Motiv8’s comrade training program

01, Feb 2017 By UltiKhopdi

Pune (Press Distrust of India): Son turned politician turned MP (UPA -1) turned CM of Uttar Pradesh turned sacked CM of SP turned Samaj-Wadawadi Party Supremo Akhil-ess Yadav inaugurated Motiv8’s Comrade Training Program jointly with the most eligible Bachelor turned politician turned Congress Vice President turned Chota Bhim RaGa. Comrade Ultra Marathon of 90km is considered to be toughest human race on this earth, often known as “Inhuman, Insane People’s Race”.

RaGa with angry look told Faking News, “ये Demonitization का effect है… ये लोग गरीब, मजदूर लोग है… काम करने वाले लोग है… ये आज देश छोड के आफ्रिका के जंगल में भागना चाहते है. Modiji is responsible for this. युपीए के जमाने में ये सारे लोग ९० मिटर भी कार चलाके जाते थे और आज उनके यह दिन आये है. मै खुद ४००० रुपये खतम होने के बाद युरोप चला गया था.”  With Bhim smile at bear foot Comrade Finisher 2016, he further said, “ये कृष्णा को देखो. गरीब और पीछडे हुवे रनर्स को रीप्रेसेंट करता है. इसके पास दो जुते खरीदने के पैसे नही है. लेकीन कॉंग्रेस पार्टी इनका साथ देगी. कॉम्रेड के लिये सिर्फ पैर काफी नही है, हिल पे थकने के बाद हाथ को ही पम्प करके उर्जा तयार करते है.”

Youth of India
Youth of India

Akhil-ess Yadav clearly stressed with RaGa taking mike without notice said with smile, “कमल खिलने में बहोत टाइम लेता है. सिर्फ सायकल ही ऐसी पार्टी है जो रफ्तार को समज सकती है. मै कॉम्रेड जाने वाले सभी खिलाडीयो को बधाई देता हुं”.

Meanwhile, PM Modi tweeted, “I wish Motiv8’s Comrade Athletes a very best luck. Motiv8 is clearly result of our Government’s policy– Export, Export and Export only! We are exporting more than 100 runners to run at toughest Comrade Ultra Marathon.”

IIT Dropout turned Income Tax Commissioner turned Activist turned Income Tax Dropout turned Politician turned Delhi CM and turning now to become Punjab CM– Arvind Khajriwal told our correspondent, “Modiji is surely implementing policies for his MNC friends like Chaywala serving morning tea at Nike, RSS Accounting Clerk at ASICS and many other shoe companies. What is the need to go to South Africa and run 90km? Why can’t Motiv8 athletes run in Gujarat or Maharashtra?”

Faking News reporter present at Motiv8’s Tuesday Group Run tried to speak with Coach Atul who was absolutely unaware of this surprise inauguration, but disliked this idea and said, “Enough of warm up time. Now every “कीटक” present here will need to do 5 hill repeats at tempo pace. No excuse!”

RaGa immediately opened the door of his BMW and ordered his driver for 5 hill repeats of BMW.” Our reporter identified that Motiv8 D class athlete named “Av” took this initiative to invite politicians here. He told Faking News, “Well, this costed me heavily. Not in terms of money but coach has thrashed me with harsh schedule on Sunday and even increased my Tempo Pace by 10 seconds. भाई, अब तो मेरेसे हर मीटर, हर सेकंद का हिसाब लिया जायेगा. मेरे अच्छे दिन अब नही रहेंगे”.

RamRahim Baba launched three produces on this occasion, “दिव्य नमक tablet, दिव्य उदर gel, दिव्य हवाई जुते (with promise to increase pace by 4 mins/km)”.

Motiv8’s Comrade Training Program also made buzz in United States. President Donald Trump urgently signed his 90th Executive Order since start of the day, banning all runners from Asia having average pace less than 7 mins/ km. He tweeted, “They train in Bavdhan and qualify for Boston. I have banned all fast runners from India. Deadly organization such as Motiv8 trains them for American soil from Pune. But no more. I will make Americans faster again.” This executive order has created lot of chaos on US Airports as authorities are confused as they are not trained to check legs instead of luggage!

(*Last updated Supremo as of 31-Jan-2017 – 742pm)