Amethi. In a press conference today, Congress vice president, Mr. Rahul Gandhi, accepted responsibility for the election results that he said were clearly due to the failure of Manmohan Singh’s government.
He also hinted that he might partly be responsible that his party’s media managers failed to project him as the great leader he obviously is. He added that the Congress party needs to introspect deeply and look within to find reasons why their spokespersons couldn’t articulate his vision for a strong India.
Speaking on the issue, urban development minister, Mr. Kamal Nath said, “This shows Rahul-ji’s greatness. Even though he was not part of the government, he implemented schemes such as RTI, MGNREGA, women’s empowerment, Garibi Hatao, Quit India etc. And he doesn’t hesitate to accept blame for Manmohan Singh’s failure. Manmohan Singh. MANMOHAN SINGH. MANNNMOHANNNN SINNGH’s failure.”
Soon-to-be-ex spokesperson of the party, Mr. Randeep Surjewala reeled off statistics to prove that Rahul Gandhi was not responsible. “Just like you cannot blame Mahatma Gandhi for the failure of the MGNREGA scheme, you cannot blame Rahul Gandhi for the election results,” he added, in an inexplicable twist of logic.
Another party spokesman, Mr. Sanjay Jha continued to claim on Newshour that 92 is greater than 240 and that the exit polls actually predicted a victory for the Congress party. He blamed Narendra Modi, snoopgate and crony capitalism for leading most people to believe otherwise. Speaking continuously for 17 minutes without pausing for breath, he shouted down all other participants who were no dummies themselves in lung power contests.
According to reliable sources, Rahul Gandhi has been advised to wind down and take some rest after the grueling election campaign. He has decided to take some time off, away from media glare, and attend the Axe Boat Party.
But he will not take his mama.