Saturday, 24th June, 2017

Rahul Gandhi declared a wonder 'youth'

11, Dec 2013 By oths

It has been concluded that Rahul Gandhi is one of a kind by noted scientists working in the area Big Data Mining. They got together today in American Computer Machinery (ACM) association conference to discuss this discovery. One of the researchers told us that this was a “phenomenal discovery” and brings in faith in the domain of Big Data. She described that Big Data is just a hype floating around in the community with no real contribution until now. According to the yet-to-be-published article, Rahul Gandhi does not show trends of his thinking ability either like a man or a woman.

Rahul Gandhi
Wonder youth

We enquired about the details of the discovery. She said, “Recently neurological scientists have published an article mapping the neurons in brain. Trends have been found in how men and women think. There is a clear distinction between the thought process in the sexes.” (More about it here). She continued, “We took all the data about public figures from Facebook, twitter, and other publicly available statements, Youtube videos, etc and fed the data into our algorithm.  While it classified all them correctly as the personalities were men or women, it interestingly failed to show a result for Rahul Gandhi.”

“The samples of these can be seen in all of his statements. His natural instincts are masculine, therefore tries to form a logical statement. For example, at the CII talk he tries to answer a question from the panel on federal and state cohesion for business development with a logical answer. Unfortunately his female side takes over his instincts almost immediately leading to a complicated, irrelevant answer.”

“We believe this may be because, though RG has masculine outlook, he spends more time with females (his Mum, sister,…) and female thinking-like men (Diggi, Shinde, …). These female-like men, for example, cry and shout in TV interviews for no point and always want to have the last say. All these must have messed up the poor RG’s brain. However, for us, he is priceless. We reckon we’ll hit upon gold mine if we collaborate with the neurologists on RG’s brain!”.

Given RG’s dual persona, we wondered whether a male or a female would be more appropriate to have physical intimacy with. The researcher replied, “In either case, he will end up in jail according to the new verdict by the Supreme Court.”

On our way back in the taxi, we were discussing this discovery when the driver interrupted. He questioned us, “What is so special in this discovery? My 4 year old kid was telling “Rahul Gandhi theda hai” from the past one year”!!