In a press conference hastily arranged at 10 Janpath late last night, Rahul Gandhi told reporters that he had finally decided to come clean. He said that he is, as many people had already suspected, a genius.
After his latest referral to the Congress as the default program of the computer that is India, it had become increasingly difficult to hide the fact. Social media was abuzz with insinuations about his being special.
Some also pointed to his complete mastery of computer technology as evidenced by his use of technical terms like “default program”. Many feel that the recently released biopic ‘Jobs’, has received a lukewarm response because people have realized that RG is a far greater visionary than the Apple founder.
The dramatic events of last night seem to have been occasioned by a lengthy discussion that RG had with the Magic Mirror he keeps in his bedroom.
It has been RG’s habit to consult the Magic Mirror on all major decisions he takes. Last night the Magic Mirror said unto him – “ for too long has the country of your forbears (or at least half of your forbears) waited for you to claim your destiny. Your mission in life is no less important than that of Luke Skywalker or the Hobbit Frodo Baggins. Modesty is a virtue, but indulged too long it becomes a vice. For long years you have done many brilliant things but have hidden them under a veil of humility and disconcerting vagueness. You slept in mosquito-ridden villages, you invented heart rending women-centric stories, you grew a beard, you pulled up your sleeves, you tore a piece of paper while giving a speech…does any of this seem normal to you? It is now time to reveal yourself and show your true identity to the world…” At which point RG replied- “OK”.
There was much rejoicing immediately after RG’s frank admission at the press conference . Many of the reporters started shouting ‘three cheers for Rahul Gandhi!!’, and some sang “He’s a jolly good fellow.”
Mr. Gandhi appealed for calm and paraphrased the Gita when he said- “Among the cricketers I am Sachin Tendulkar, among the actors I am Amitabh Bachchan, among the scientists I am Stephen W. Hawking (though I don’t talk like that weirdo!) and among the mafia I am Italian”.
In related developments , Diggy Raja has contacted Bollywood producers for a large consignment of “khushi key asoo” to be shipped to Delhi and distributed among Congress leaders. Kapil Sibal has announced that he will be composing a poem on this momentous occasion. PM, Manmohan Singh, when told about RG’s ‘coming out’, smiled meekly and said – “thik hai”.
The BJP, BSP, SP, TMC, DMK, AIADMK etc. have all announced that they will not be contesting the 2014 general election. In the face of Mr. Gandhi’s staggering genius it would be foolishness. The BJP, though, has expressed a keen interest in building a temple at Rahul Gandhi ji’s birthplace.
An extraordinary session of Parliament has been called to decide on the official position that Mr. Gandhi will hold as he has been reluctant to be PM or President. Insiders say it is almost certain that he will be given the post of King Emperor.