Monday, 19th March, 2018

Post poll loss, find out what the UPA bigwigs are doing now?

10, Jun 2014 By manithan

New Delhi: It has been nearly a month after the 2014 Lok Sabha elections got over and the results were announced. Narendra Modi went on to become Prime Minister of India and his BJP members got into cabinet, no matter whether they won or lost. Also, the parties which do not happen to be in the ruling coalition, also have occupied the seats in the Lok Sabha and have even started on their work (or not).

But nobody cared about what the people who lost in this Lok Sabha elections are doing. We, at Faking News, went for a trip to towns and cities where, prominent politicians of UPA-2 who had lost or did not contest in the recent elections, reside and found out discreetly about what they are doing. Here it is:

Manmohan Singh: He has started Meditation class and has been teaching young stressed IT professionals on how to sit silent for hours. His students are amazed by his ability to sit silently for hours. At free times, he sits in benches outside his own restaurant McMahon’s.

Kapil Sibal: Has turned into maths teacher by day and an in-house accountant for his friend’s private enterprise. His students awe at his talent to bring any mathematical equation to zero and his juniors at his workplace have become a fan for his “zero loss” theory.

Congress core group meeting
What are they doing?

Meira Kumar: Perhaps, the easiest job change was for her. She has now turned into a Dentist and continues to say “Bite Jaw hey” and “Bite Oh” to her patients.

Sushil Kumar Shinde: He is now trying to prevent deforestation and is fighting against woodcutters, urging them not to extract The Wood (Dawood) from the trees. He also gets fan mails and sweets from Hafiz Saeed Ji.

Jairam Ramesh: He is speculated to have retired from active politics and was spotted sitting staring at various lakes and rivers, shouting out to the passers-by that “there is no wave here”.

Salman Khurshid: Apart from appearing for Tarun Tejpal, he is also undergoing tuitions from A Raja, on how to do scams in large scale. Also, he is now into modelling nowadays, projecting himself as a potent man.

P. Chidambaram: He is the most wanted person in the financial industry now. Financial companies have hired agents to make him join their rivals and bring them down to dust. USA has even urged CIA to send this man to countries which they want to invade, so that they become economically disastrous countries before they could invade.

Praful Patel: Joined Kingfisher airlines as an aviation industry expert and is now waiting impatiently for his May month salary.

Ashwani Kumar: He is working as freelance spellcheck editor for various newspapers and magazines. Also, whenever Microsoft Outlook server is down, Microsoft hires him to do spellcheck for mails in Outlook 365. There were rumors about Ashwani Kumar turning down the offer of AAP leader Ashutosh to spellcheck his tweets.

Pawan Kumar Bansal: Now seen spotting Goatee beard, he is now on the tour across the country feeding Goats. When asked about the reason for feeding goats, he said, “Doctor told me to eat grass. But I cannot tolerate that taste. So, I make goats eat heaps of grass, and after few hours, slaughter them into mutton and then eat that mutton”. This idea seems to be have been his nephew’s.

Sharad Pawar: He currently works as an advisor to ink-eraser company in Pune. Apart from this, he is said to have been forcing Ajit Pawar to drink a lot of water to compensate the water scarcity in the dams till Monsoon arrives.

Farooq Abdullah: He is said to have a rigid heart, dancing when Kashmir was burning in the 80s. But, now, he has turned old and is now operating a tourism industry in the coastal area of India. He is said to be loading boats with all Modi voters (luring them by discounts) and then makes small holes in it while it is in middle of sea.