New Delhi. Fed up of wasting time and energy by writing robotic condemnation statements for our PM Manmohan Singh to utter it in even more robotic manner every time a bomb blast rocks the nation, PMO has decided to compile a list of 20 condemnation statements in advance so that they can be issued seconds after a blast and there is no delay.
This would also reaffirm that Govt is on the job and extremely concerned about victims and people at large and not insensitive as many people perceive whenever there is delay in condemnation.
To make sure these statements sound different and yet convey same message, PMO will be hiring services of well know filmmakers Mahesh Bhatt and Madhur Bhandarkar who have been
fooling feeding public with same script (written 10 years back) films after films.
These statements will be common for PM and all ruling party members alike so that those who are busy with some prior commitments like foreign trips, parties, future scam preparations, blocking so called offensive content on internet etc during the time of blasts can concentrate on their job without having to worry about such trivial formalities.
They have further decided to announce cash
rewards compensations of Rs 10 lakh and Rs 5 lakh for those who die or get injured respectively during these blasts. This amount will be inflation free and victims can avail these benefits in advance if they feel they might be targeted. For this finance ministry will keep aside Rs 1000 crores in the upcoming budget to convey they care for people’s welfare.
When Faking News approached PMO, an official on condition of anonymity said, “Combating terrorism comes under the purview of Home Ministry. And lets face it Mr Shinde as Home Minister is as useless as Harbhajan Singh in current Indian Team. Moreover his statements make less sense than hair on his head. He is in that stage of life where tomorrow he may say Al Qaeda and LeT are funded by some Hindu organizations and we wont be able to shrug it off. In short “बुढा सठिया गया है”. So expecting him to do something worthwhile to tackle rampant terrorism is like expecting Vijay Mallya to clear pending salaries of KF employees. So we have given up on hope of getting any fruitful assistance from him in this regard and are doing whatever is in our hands to ensure victims get first class treatment immediately after blasts. We have also appointed Shashi Tharoor as the official retweeter of all tweets containing helpline numbers during these blasts. “
When Faking News spoke to Digvijay Singh he said, “Now we are confident enough in tackling blasts of any intensity and well equipped to face their aftermath. So Bring it On Terrorist Ji.”
“Terrorism in India my friend is like that piss of an infant that just cant be controlled” Navjot Singh Sidhu summed it up for us.