Tuesday, 20th February, 2018

PMO announces a nation-wide competition to chalk out ‘Befitting response’ to Pakistan

07, Aug 2013 By trishanku

In a bid to soften the growing criticism of the UPA government’s inability to stop Pakistani aggression, PMO has announced a nationwide competition seeking innovative suggestions to give a ‘befitting response’ to Pakistan before its next aggression ‘without thwarting the peace-process between the two countries’.

Manmohan Singh
A happy PM thinking his job is done after condemning such dastardly attacks.

FN correspondent trishanku has learnt that the PM had constituted a EGOM [empowered group of ministers] soon after decapitated bodies of Indian soldiers were found in Poonch area of J&K a few months ago with the same objective. After six meetings three suggestions were finalized:

1. Every time such encounters occur the official statement should say : …() … people dressed in Pakistani army uniforms killed…. ()…. people dressed in Indian army uniforms. A CBI enquiry has been ordered to find out the antecedents of these men who were wearing Indian army uniforms.

2. At the next meeting of the Indo Pak officials for peaceful settlement of disputes Indian side should offer one of the ‘extra-strong’ drinks to give a taste of things to come to the Pak-delegation.

3. A two meter wide and three meter deep trench should be dug about a kilometer inside the Indian territory along the Indo-Pak border, filled with water and covered with thatch.

But Madam didn’t like the first two suggestions while the FM didn’t approve of the third, and so the EGOM was asked to evolve a bouquet of more befitting and ‘less costly’ responses. Unfortunately, before they could do so, the latest infiltration and killing of five soldiers occurred.

Embarrassed by having to repeat the same statements like ‘such aggressions will not be tolerated’, ‘we will give a befitting reply at appropriate time’, ‘strong action will be taken to prevent the recurrence of such events’ ; senior officers in the PMO have come up with this ‘game changing’ idea. “The onus for any delay in response will now not be on us” said a relieved joint secretary after he posted the advertisement on government websites. When asked about the amount of prize money, the joint secretary promptly responded: “It will be a befitting amount. A committee of secretaries of the defence, finance and external affairs ministries has been constituted to finalize the same,” he added.