Friday, 23rd June, 2017

PM Modi : My way or the highway

28, May 2014 By @bayalis

Leaked Modi’s masterstroke to solve Indians problems : My Way or the Highway.

This is my first address to the nation. Bhaiyon aur behno, today I had the swearing ceremony. It was an inspiring session, but the program ended without any winner being declared after my entire cabinet had auditioned for the same monologue. Anyhow, I dont want awards I want to meet your expectations and solve our problems. Our major problems are : 1. Infiltration of dangerous refugees/terrorists 2. Lack of power generation & distribution 3. Lack of economic activity leading to low GDP growth, unemployment of youth 4. Skill development of our youth 5. Nation forgeting its Hindutva way of life, culture & values 6. Womens Security 7. Maoism, Terrorism

This set me thinking, what is the ultimate answer to all these problems & questions. Kuchh samajh nahi aa raha tha. Then Ambe Maa gave me the solution.

Aap jaan na chahte hain, yeh solution kya hai? Jaan na chahte hain? Phir mera ek kaam kariye, karenge mera ek kaam? Aage read kariye.

The answer is to construct a mutipurpose elevated road (highway) connecting India-Bangladesh border in Assam to India-Pakistan border in Kashmir, with another exit in India-China border in Ladakh.

Features of the mammoth structure, bigger than great wall of China: 1. The highway is fully covered on top with Solar panels. This makes the road below a shady area, so all shady characters will soon settle there & so crime against women will come down. 2. This worlds largest solar project will generate 3.14 MegaGigaZeta watts of electicity, distributed across breadth of the country, solving our electricity deficit in one go with clean energy. 3. The road below will act as an India bypass allowing: • Muslim refugees from Bangladesh directly reaching Pakistan. This in one stroke will stop Bangladeshis coming to India and also cripple Pakistan with population burden. • Pakistani terrorists can go to Bangladesh for their onsite assignment rather than coming to India. They can also do target practice on the Bangladeshi refugees or the shady characters living on the road, earning goodwill of Pakistan & Allah.i • Chinese army, when it feels like going sight seeing in India, can hop onto this highway to have fun & satisfy their urge in a harmless manner. 4. The road will be built on top of 330 million pillars. All the pillars of the elevated highway will be sculpted in the form of Hindu Gods & Goddesses, each of the 330million hindu deities will have their idol as a pillar. • This will help our countrymen rediscover their glorious Hindutva way of life, cultural heritage. • Each pillar will have a dedicated priest who will spread the Hindu way of life and in the process 330million jobs of priests will get created for our youth. • The tourism related jobs created due to people from all over the world visiting these pillars will be an additional 90million. These 420million new jobs will make ndia the worlds only country with 100% employment of its adult population. 5. Below the road, the area between pillar-statues will be covered for various uses e.g. • RSS shakhas to inculcate Indian nationalism in coming generations every 3km, so children can easily walk to them & learn RSS before ABC. • I travelled the whole country for my election rallies and was appaled at quality of tea served. So there will be a chaiwala training institute every 50km for skill development of our youth to create chaiwalas. Mitron, I know one of these chaiwallas could challenge me to be PM in future, but I am willing to sacrifice myself for my countrys youth. • There will be Gun & Bomb making factory every 10km, every 200m in Bihar. 100% FDI will be allowed in this and armaments produced will be used by our forces & also exported. All illicit-arms-maker brothers will find ready employment here and so law and order problems due to unauthorised arms will also be solved. • There will be a video game parlour with the most violent games in the world every 5km. After playing the games, equal amount of time will need to be spent watching Ramdev & SriSri sermons. These will help our misguided youth such as Maoists & Indian Mujahideen live their violent fantasies in peace, overcome them and join the mainstream.

Building this project will boost the GDP growth so much that India will become the worlds largest economy in the first year of my government itself!

In Phase II of the project to be completed in 4.5 years, before the next general elections, we will provide ramps to board the elevated road at every polling booth. Giriraj Singh will ensure anyone not voting for me is pushed on to the elevated road so that they can easily reach Pakistan! Bharat Mata Ki Jai. Jai Hind.

Bouquets & brickbats : @bayalis