An imaginary conversation between Prime Minister and Home Minister on India overtaking China in population by 2022.
Home Minister: Modi-ji, we have some real bad news.
PM: What’s it?
HM: In seven years, our country will be the most populous in the world.
PM: How can it be bad? We will be No 1!
HM: Sir, how can we provide food, water, shelter, health and so many other things to more than 1.5 billion people when we get another mandate?
PM: Stop worrying, Rajnath-ji! People are our strength; we can declare India as the fastest growing nation in the world. There are so many countries which can’t and don’t want to produce children. They will flock to us for fertility advice and invest billions to produce goods for us. You see the tremendous opportunities we are going to create for the world with our population advantage.
HM: But … Sir, Don’t you think such massive population will drag us to the bottom of poverty index? Already, our roads, trains, buses and every mode of transport is creaking under the weight of over loaded public transport. We don’t have land to cultivate; enough water in rivers to irrigate our farms; Rain God strikes frequently. If we don’t start controlling population, I am afraid there will be chaos all around.
PM: Oh… Rajnath-ji, your imagination is running riot. No such thing will happen. Our country’s men and women strongly believe in Karma. For ages, they have believed in their Karma and they continue to believe in that for ages to come. Whether the government provides food subsidies, houses, roads, free health services and all such things or not; people think that its their Karma. They will take it in their stride, in a philosophical way.
HM: What a great truth, Sir! We should market it, sorry, popularize it, like many of your schemes launched from time to time to cleanse the country.
PM: Rajnath-ji… You know, this is not Bhagvad Gita. Soft sell is the secret. If we try to tell the people, our rivals get other ideas. Look at Maa-Beta who have learnt our tactics and repaying us in the same coin in and outside parliament with a handful of MPs.
HM: Then, what should we do?
PM: You are really frightened over United Nations’ population projections. Then call our master strategist Amit Shah.
(Bharatiya Janata Party chief AS enters)
AS: Modi-ji… What’s the problem?
PM: Rajnath-ji is worried.
AS: About Bihar elections?
PM: No no.
AS: Then? Maa-Beta war on us?
PM: No. About our population bomb.
HM: It’s not a laughing matter. We can’t enforce birth control; nor can we fulfill all promises we have made to the people. Or, make young fellows’ dreams come true if couples go on producing children as if it is none of their business. What to do.
(After a long pause)
AS: Solution is simple.
(Both PM and HM turn their heads and give a puzzled look to AS)
AS: Tell Baba Ramdev
AS: He is the right man.
AS: He will find a Yogic posture and make people practice it.
FM: But how will it help control baby boom?
AS: Call it Kama Yoga, to be practiced only in bedrooms by couples. Everyone thinks that the postures are porno acts. But, in practice, they will be impossible to perform and couples spend years to perfect them. That means no babies for some years!
PM&FM: Let’s consult Baba Ramdev.