Tuesday, 20th February, 2018

Nitin Gadkari: The Peeing Human

09, May 2015 By dashy

If ‪ Nitin Gadkari‬ ever offers you fruits from his garden you might want to think twice before eating them. Apparently the Union Minister has revealed the secret behind the trees thriving in his garden. He PEEs on them.

Yes, you heard it right. Gadkari has actually gone on record to confess that the only sprinkler system that he uses in his garden comes out of his own personal hose … errr. He collects his urine in small plastic cans on a daily basis, and then shifts them to a 50 liter can, which he uses to water his garden. Man, this dude has all the time in the day.

Given his size, generating 50 liters of Pee on a regular basis, shouldn’t be much of a problem for him. Taking a cue from him, the ‪BJP‬ ‪PM‬ ‪Modi‬ has planned to set up a committee to see how peeing on trees can help the nation. It might be just called as a “Mut Bharat Yojana” with the tagline “Pee Dilao Ped Badhao”. Though I wonder how many politicians would actually be willing to come forth for Photo Ops, for this one. Under this scheme, people would be encouraged to pee on any tree that they might fancy. But since most of the guys already do it, this wont need much encouragement.

Of course, this will scrap the money needed for building toilets, under the ‪‎Swach Bharat Abhiyaan‬. In fact, if my drunk sources are to be believed, all the Sulabh Sauchalays will need to grow trees in its compound to provide for these natural peeing grounds. Its also heard that, ‪‎Smriti Irani‬, in consultation with her astrologer and Pet Parrot, might just declare a “National Pee-dom Day”. The date as yet is undecided, as deliberations are going on about whether to have it on Easter or on Good Friday.

From now onwards, the advertisements will have ‪Vidya Balan‬ saying, “You don’t have a tree in your house?? Where does your daughter pee then? Plant Trees, Daughter Pees”. There has been a firm opposition to this from ‪‎Arvind Kejriwal‬ of ‪#AAP‬ though. But knowing how scared he is of trees these days, its understandable.

Disclaimer: My heart goes out to all those trees (yes, they have life too, you know) who will now be reduced to Pee-Stations. But hey, atleast they wont cut you guys anymore.