(This post is a work of fiction, and the writer doesn’t intend to hurt anyone’s feelings or sentiments. So don’t give too much of serious thought to it. Happy reading!)
In a secular turn of events, Gujarat CM and the Congress certified communal leader Narendra Modi has decided to join the Congress party. This development has shocked political pundits and maulvis alike.
In the recent months, Modi has refused to eat on various occasions out of sheer frustration of being the only communal leader in the country. These hunger strikes were marketed by the BJP as Sadbhavna Missions.
Modi tried everything, even development of Gujarat to earn the “Secular certificate” from Congress, but, despite making Gujarat one of the fastest growing states, his efforts have found few takers in the Secular Core Committee of Congress party headed by Digvijay Singh and Jagdish Tytler.
His own party has done little to help him. BJP is too happy to have many candidates who are fit to be the PM (the only problem is they don’t have the majority).
Stung by the secularists and spurned by his own party, Modi today announced his decision to join Congress. “I am a Con(gressi) and I am not a communalist,” is what Narendrabhai said after meeting the goddess of secularism, Sonia Gandhi. His new look of wearing the skull cap, the holy cross and red tika has found instant takers among the Muslims, Christians and Middle class Hindus who are going gaga over his change of heart.
“Today is a great day. Insha’Allah, we will change the heart of every kafir with our goodwill,” said the Kashmiri separatist leader Ahmed Shah Geelani, who was in Delhi for his monthly dialysis.
Modi addressed a press conference outside the most famous shrine of secularism-10, Janpath. When Chatur Chintu asked him why he chose only Congress, Modi said, “When it comes to secularism, Congress is Teflon. No charges of communalism or rioting sticks to them. Be it the 1984 anti-Sikh riots, the Bhagalpur riots, the Babri demolition under Narsimha’s regime, dozens of tiny disturbances in Mau, Merrut or the ethnic cleansing of Kashmiri Pandits from the valley, Congress comes clean every time. Their unshaken faith in the Gandhi family, who, by virtue of their surname are the most secular human beings, keeps the Congressis from turning communal.”
“As a BJP member, I have been run down for the last 9 years as a fascist, while the Congress leaders accused of participating in Gujarat riots still enjoy secular credentials. By joining the only party authorized to declare people secular, I have earned VISA rights to USA,” he added.
Meanwhile, the congress party is overwhelmed at having snatched the last leader BJP had. Manish Tiwari declared that Modi is drenched in secularism from head to toe.
Kapil Sibbal has promised to come up with a zero loss theory that will prove that not a single life was lost during Gujarat riots.
Rahul Gandhi told reporters to ask WikiLeaks about his opinion. Digvijay Singh claimed that it was a plot of RSS and the Nazis. Prime Minister Manmohan Singh said he had no knowledge about any such development. Sonia Gandhi just smiled and flashed the victory sign.