Random public toilet, New Delhi – Just a mere few hours after Indian Prime Minister and most recent avatar of Vishnu Narendra Modi once again called upon all Indians, regardless of religion, caste, gender, or creed, to fight and destroy filth in India, the filth community has lashed back with a PIL filed in the Supreme Court – the only court in the nation that is constitutionally authorised to handle filth – stating that they have “had enough.”
In an impassioned speech delivered at a random public toilet in New Delhi, a spokesperson from the All India Filth League (AIFL) declared that filth has been severely marginalised ever since Narendra Modi came to power, and has been removed from the great place it once enjoyed in Indian society. The AIFL has been persistently targeting the Modi government ever since the elections, and has been known to align itself with several pro-filth parties, including the Indian National Congress.
“Filth is as Indian as the Taj Mahal! And we aren’t even allowed there anymore!” the AIFL spokesperson said to an ecstatic audience composed of everyone from two week old cow dung to ninety year old conservatives. “First they took our rights, now they want our lives! We won’t stand for it any longer! We’ve had enough!”
The AIFL has long criticised Modi’s supposed agenda to perpetrate a genocide of filth in the country. Now, having filed a case against the Modi government on the grounds of communal politics and ethnic cleansing, the AIFL finally thinks it can exact justice for the horrific Indian-Filth riots of 2010, which saw the destruction of tons of filth at the hands of broom armed Indians. The AIFL also claims that four years after the tragedy, anti-filth violence is still on the rise.
“Indians everywhere are targeting filth, and we see the law as the only way to secure our rights,” the spokesman said when asked why the filth community was suing the Modi government at all when more diplomatic solution were available – such as uniting against the Muslims because, let’s face it, everything is the Mulims’ fault anyway.
The AIFL, backed by the Indian Filth Union and the cast of Happy New Year, organised an elaborate protest outside Parliament building demanding equal treatment. The filth community also threatened to demand a separate state if the Modi government didn’t retract its anti-filth policies, denying the widely held belief that Uttar Pradesh was already a filth state.
Undeterred, the Modi government was swift to disperse the filth protesters, using brutal tactics including but not limited to brooms, vacuum cleaners, soap, and the all too infamous Dettol – a controversial filth crowd control agent which has brought much criticism to the Modi government – leaving entire streets clean and whole neighbourhoods spotless.
This recent rise in filth protesting comes with the rise in prominence of Modi’s “Swach Bharat Abhiyan” – whom many filth rights activists are calling targeted and silent ethnic cleansing.
“It’s disgusting,” filth rights advocate and advocate of pretty much anything that gets her news coverage Sonia Gandhi said, “The treatment of India’s filth minorities has been palpable to say the least. The propaganda is everywhere, even cinemas! When will the Modi government’s reign of terror end?”
Influential filth advocate and professional idiot Lalu Prasad Yadav also condemned Modi stating that “Filth and India have always shared a special relationship. Filth and India is to me what women’s rights abuses are to Bihar – inseparable!”
On the other side of the debate, anti-filth advocates and BJP supporters stand strong with Prime Minister Modi’s decision to cleanse India of filth. “Filth is not Hindu, and thus deserves no place in India,” one anti-filth protester told this reporter. When asked if being Hindu is the condition for being Indian, this reporter was beaten up for not being patriotic and quickly converted to India’s true religion.
The Supreme Court is set to hold preliminary hearings on the matter as soon as more than half of its judges wake up, and has declined the filth community’s request to employ Salman Khurshid as its representative, stating that ‘only lawyers are allowed to practice law.’ Meanwhile, the situation is deteriorating quickly, with several prominent garbage cans and landfills calling for independence from India.
Prime Minister Modi is set to give an official statement on the rise of filth protesting this Saturday, after he returns from his glorious conquest of Mount Kailash.