Keen to annex India and add to its ever burgeoning repertoire, the unstoppable and invincible juggernaut that is the Taliban revealed its strategy for the Indian invasion. And in clear bid to shed its media averse image, reporters from across the world were given a heads up and free rides(albeit blindfolded) to the media room. Beginning with the customary greetings Taliban’s India in charge and PRO issued a statement from an undisclosed location near Mr Rehman Malik’s office in Islamabad(the coffee cups has ministry insignia).
‘ The Taliban would like to put forward its whole hearted support to Mr Akbaruddin Owaisi. As far as we are concerned he is the next Prime Minister of India, but due to the so called democracy in India he would have to
splurge some money, ahem…. contest elections to ascend to the post. And as Mr Owaisi is more Taliban than the original Taliban we have no doubts about him upholding our high standards.’ When asked about whether Mr Owaisi would be willing to stand in the Taliban ticket,’ Dude, I really don’t want you asking these obvious questions for your sake, you must know that we regularly execute people on this dias’.
When asked about their pursuing their tried and tested methods, the PRO started rolling around makeshift dias crying out ,’Seriously dude!!!!’. After he regained his composure the PRO went on to explain why he saw the question rolling around the dias type funny, ‘ The way we see it, it is the best and even better alternative to sending Jihadis to do the job. Do you have any idea how much training these shitheads costs?, and all that training for a single mission. Even though they are well taken care of by the Indian government after incarceration, danda kaise chalega boss – itni mehangai hain(How will the business run with so much of inflation)’.
In reply to the question whether they would get the required numbers to put Mr Owaisi in the PM’s chair, ‘ Everbody knows that the electorate is filled with idiots, even their erstwhile Supreme Court Judge had ratified the same. But we will be taking things slow, test the depth to which the people’s intelligence has sunk before thinking about a time frame. Mr Owaisi has gone on record saying 15 minutes, lets see .’