Former Uttar Pradesh Chief Minister Mayawati organized a press conference in Lucknow on Monday, announcing the latest quirk from the BSP stables – the PMS campaign.
Mayawati told reporters that she was perplexed to see how not a single woman had been raped, gangraped or set on fire during the month of August. “It has become the norm under Akhilesh Yadav’s rule that at least one young woman is raped and set on fire each day. I have been personally keeping records of these crimes. I cut out the relevant articles from each newspaper, laminate them and personally file them in a special folder kept under my pillow. I have memorized the rape stats by now, since I virtually sleep over them – some 11,547 rapes and burnings have taken place in UP since January 2013. So then, how come they have stopped all of a sudden?”
Mayawati has alleged a conspiracy by the state government to bribe the media. “Akhilesh has bought the media. He is paying them to keep mum on crimes against women,” she said.
In response, Akhilesh Yadav retorted that Mayawati seems to have lost much more than just locks of her hair when she went for her last haircut. “I would suggest that Mayawatiji see a good psychiatrist. The figure she is quoting – 11,547 rapes – is ridiculous. We don’t even have those many women alive in Uttar Pradesh – the majority of them are murdered in the womb or at birth. How is it even possible that so many got raped?”
Yadav went on to add that UP is largely a “traditional” state, where women do not step out in “jeans and short tops”. “Our women are also too poor to own cellphones – most of them can’t even afford onions. How then did they get raped?”
When a befuddled reporter asked the CM what connection riches had with rapes, Yadav clarified, “Rapes happen to rich women. They have money, they dress to show off, and so our men have to put them in their place. But UP women have no money to show off. Why would they be raped?”
Yadav also said that Mayawati’s statement about ‘sleeping over statistics’ is figuratively true. “She has been sleeping over statistics all these years, and that is why UP is in this condition today!”
However, Mayawati is not one to back out. She has gone ahead and launched the PMS – Peedit Mahila Soongh – campaign. This movement aims to ‘sniff’ out women who have been sexually violated but paid to remain in hiding. “Through the PMS campaign, we will try to detect the women have been raped and/or set on fire – there should easily be about 303-400 of them in a month. We will bribe these women to come out of hiding and reveal the ugly truth of the SP government. We will also handsomely bribe the media, who have been paid by Yadav’s men to keep quiet, so that they break their silence.”