Tuesday, 24th April, 2018

Mass retardation strikes Tamil Nadu as Karnataka court rejects Jayalalitha’s bail plea

10, Oct 2014 By Rima

Chennai: The brainwashed children of Puratchi Thalaivi Amma (revolutionary mother) broke down and eventually reached the point of complete and total retardation, when the news affirming her bail plea rejection came in.


Initially, when the media reported that HC had granted her conditional bail, widespread celebrations took place in and around TN. Ladoos, ecstasy tablets and alcohol were freely distributed to the jubilant crowds, and hundreds of crackers burst across the state.

However, as the real news of her bail plea rejection came in, the very same crowds seemed to blank out the technique of standing erect and fell prey to gravity. Women appeared more comfortable lying down along the road, while men worked into each other and broke several arms.

The followers went berserk, performing many acts of loyalty like shouting slogans, stopping buses and weeping tragically. Tomatoes from Amma canteens were used to pelt restaurants owned by Kannadigas. Several party members and children of Puratchi Thalaivi Amma, reached abnormally high level of sub-normality and started seeking divine intervention. They performed pujas, tonsured their heads and organised prayer meetings.

A stage called ‘The Hanging Spot’ was built specifically for the depressed worshipers of Amma, in order to hang themselves.

Valaiswami, a 40 year old laborer gave an astounding, dumbfounding and grandiloquently rhetoric speech before he hanged himself. Some parts of the emotionally reactive speech were- “Amma gave me my house, my wife, my goats, my gold chain, rice, salt, water, tea, Television, mixer, laptop etcetera and etcetera! I can’t live without my Amma! Panneerselvam may give us paneer tikkas, but what I want- what we all want- is Amma’s idlis and tea! Admit it, retards! You all wish you were dead. The difference between you and me though, is that I have the backbone to act thus.”

A brainless boy who made the mistake of commenting “Mokka da ithu” to the revolutionary speech, was worked to drink 100 liters of Amma water mixed with Amma salt.

After CM Panneerselvam asked the citizens to STFU, the playful violence reduced marginally. Women stopped tearing their lovely locks apart and went back home. Threatening posters (“Give us back our Amma, or we’ll send you her salt”) aimed at Karnataka were taken down and false peace restored.

“Amma wants us to sleep tight. She wants peace, paa. Let’s give her that.” Panneerselvam was quoted saying.

After peace, came rewards. Amma’s 10,000 saries were distributed to the women who wept, her 750 pairs of shoes to the women who tonsured their heads, and alcohol in various quantities (quarter, half and full) was made available to all men.