Chennai. In an unprecedented bizarre event, a man in Chennai wrote a petition to the local minister inquiring about his death and was picked up by the police the next day, after the petition reached minister’s office.
“Dear Sir, me one of your loyal loyalists wants to know your health. Are you ok? I am not wealth, you see! When you are going to die Sir? I need money and you can arrange for it simply by dying. Sir, please help me!” was the text message written in his petition..
When Faking News correspondent managed to get an interview with the man in custody, he was anything but apologetic about his petition. “See! By-elections are most commercial for a voter in Tamilnadu. In the last by-elections, I made Rs.20,000 for my vote. With 4 more votes in my house, we were paid one lakh in cash, for our household. Now, I need 1 more lakh to start a business and want the minister to help me!” the man explained the scheme behind his petition.
Answering a question about Rs.20,000 per vote, “Oh! That’s how works here. The opposition gives Rs.5, 000 and ruling party doubles it to Rs.10,000. Moreover, I personally had 10 chicken biryani square meals and some quarter meals too… know what I mean?”, the man winked at the Faking News correspondent.
“After all, it is a pure business and they buy my vote in the auction. A different kind of auction wherein all the bidders pay! And they are not even sure if they have got the vote they are bidding for”, the man laughed out loud hysterically but confessed under utmost secrecy, just for fun, he always votes for the least bidder. “My value-add to the democracy” he said, explaining the logic “I feel the least bidder would do the least of the scams because the investment is less; boy! I was wrong a couple of times! Later, I realized and stood by my assessment that he was scamming just to pay me better next time around!”
When asked again about the petition and bizarre thing to ask a man to die, “See! I don’t cheat! steal or gamble! In all honesty, I have asked him for 1 lakh and he laughed and refused. Told me, in my lifetime, I will not be able to manage such a sum to give away to anyone just like that, with my monthly salary and all… then it struck me! The man’s right; what he cannot give in his lifetime, he can simply give by dying; our democracy is world’s best while running and even better at death” the man concluded and asked not to press any charges for talking to media on such a sensitive legal issue and using the highly democratic words like by-elections and all.