Wednesday, 21st March, 2018

Man threatens to chop Narendra Modi; proclaimed secular

14, Apr 2014 By Vaibhav Anand

Varanasi: In developing news today, a clutch of non NDA political parties proclaimed a man as ‘secular’ after he threatened to kill Narendra Modi by chopping his head off. Congress president Sonia Gandhi and Vice President Rahul Gandhi made it a point to call the man and congratulate him for being so secular.

Narendra Modi
Modi caught hold of the sword that will be used to chop him.

However, Faking News has learnt that the man was forced to say such a thing in desperation and not out of any hatred for the BJP’s Prime Ministerial candidate. Apparently, Tadapit Kumar, the man in question – a boatman in Varanasi – had been trying to get his Aadhar Card for a year to claim the MNREGA funds that his sarpanch had been siphoning away on his behalf. But despite paying bribes far in excess of his possible MNREGA salary, all Tadapit got was an assurance that he would be getting his card soon.

Deciding to take matters into his own hands, Tadapit issued the statement to his local chaiwalla, who told the village barber, who in turn informed the man who ran the printing press in the town leading to instant notoriety for Tadapit.

“Yes yes, I am ready to chop anybody for my Aadhar Card, including Modiji,” is what Tadapit is believed to have actually said. However, as soon as the first pamphlets carrying “Villager to chop Modi” appeared in his district, political parties descended on the scene to take advantage of the situation, blaming Modi for polarizing the till now riot-free village of Ramapur in Varanasi.

“We congratulate Mr. Kumar for realizing what a polarizing force Mr. Modi is and discovering the joys of being secular,” Sonia Gandhi said in Rai Bareilly, issuing a statement on behalf of the Congress party. “I will be calling him shortly to congratulate him for his secular-ness.”

Abu Azmi, of the Samajwadi Party, did not make any statement but did issue an anticipatory retraction when contacted.