Tuesday, 20th February, 2018

Indian soldiers to fight Pak Army with new weapons

24, Aug 2013 By plainspeaker

The quotidian savage forays into Indian territory by the Pakistan Army and the resultant mutilation and death et al of Indian soldiers, engaged the serious attention of the ruling dispensation at Delhi. Brainstorming sessions chaired by the Maha Moun Singh and attended by the Cabinet Ministers and the bigwigs of the party, with the Empress and the perpetual PM-designate in attendance, discussed the issue threadbare.

After squeezing their brains and straining their sinews, the Meeting boldly concluded that the Indian soldiers would henceforth wield against the pitiless Pakistan Army olive branches instead of firearms. “The intruders should be shamed into submission,” beamed the MMS. “This will prove to the doubting Thomases that ours are genuine Gandhis and not fake ones. We’ll condemn these ‘dastardly acts’ till the last of our breath”, bellowed the PM in Office but not in power.

The Videsh ka Vidwan was, however, quite indignant. “How can you use the term ‘Pakistan army’ instead of ‘non-State actors’,” he hollered. “You can’t antagonise a friendly, fraternal state”, he pontificated, “by use of erroneous epithets. Talks must go on. Oh! It’s such a pleasure to talk to them.” He broke into a smile. “Such naughty people! Even as they were talking to the benighted BJP’s PM, they were landing their troops on Kargil.” He chuckled. ”So naughty! So trustworthy”. His eyes turned menacingly red as he uttered ‘I’ll respond in blood only to inquisitive and disrespectful journalists especially from that magazine India Tomorrow but to Pakis it’s always with tears in my eyes,’ he meowed.

The Guardian Saint of India’s borders shared his wisdom. “The question is can we risk a war. Of course both of us have nuclear weapons but we must bear in mind that theirs are meant to be used.”

The Harvard Wizard of Finance assured the gaggle that import of olive branches will not make any difference to CAD as it has already reached abysmal depths and even Congress cannot do any further damage.

Whereupon the perpetual PM designate looked up from his I-pad and declared happily: “Now, next time I meet the American Ambassador, I can tell him the fascist khaki knicker wallas with their lathies are more dangerous than invading Pakis”. The Mentor looked approvingly. “Such acumen, he’s learning new things every day, he now knows his onions.”

They then disbanded triumphantly.