A leaked presentation from one of the PR company executives handling Rahul Gandhi’s makeover has managed to find its way into the hands of this Faking News reporter.
The document seemed to be a list of “Do’s” and “Don’ts” for Mr. Gandhi. The document had 12 pointers for Mr. Gandhi which read as below:
1. Watch Modi’s speeches for 2 hours everyday.
2. Narendra Modi, not Lalit Modi.
3. End speeches by shouting loudly
4. Make fewer references to mummy, papa and dadee
5. Wear spectacles. They make you look more intelligent than you are.
6. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, get caught drinking tea in public. Especially, avoid getting photographed with tea vendors.
7. Start wrapping a grey muffler around your head and coughing intermittently.
8. Try to stop reading new things. You end up using new terms (eg: ‘escape velocity’, ‘beehive’, etc.) you learn in speeches and then become fodder for Faking News.
9. Poverty is not a state of mind or a self confidence issue. Period.
10. You are too rich to understand point 9. I get paid Rs. 30000 a month for making documents like this whereas the left lens of your spectacles costs Rs. 30000. Damnit, you spent Rs. 500 Crore to get documents like this sent to you.
11. Keep making intermittent comments against corruption. However, avoid bringing up your brother-in-law’s name.
12. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, assume Faking News is a real website.