New Delhi – The UGC, CSIR and HRD ministry jointly announced that the nation’s leading technology college, the IIT, will offer a new course called Communal Riots Engineering.
According to the UGC director, this course will train students in the best ways to engineer communal riots and disturbances in a sustainable and scalable way. Students will get options to choose a religious community of their choice with specializations available for anti-Hindu and anti-Muslim riots.
Special emphasis will be laid on practical lessons in vandalizing mosques and temples using cutting edge technology, spreading communal hatred through inflammatory speeches and pamphlet distribution as well as deadly weapons’ training.
Students will also be given guided educational tours of Godhra, Ayodhya and Bhiwandi. In their final semester, students will have a summer training course with global market leader Bajrang Dal Lumpen Elements Pvt Ltd under the guidance of professor Amit Shah.
“This course will make them industry ready and help them to start their professional careers with minimum training overhead” said UGC chairman Dr Praveen Togadia.
The selection process will be held in 2 phases : written exams and practicals. Students will have to answer objective questions on varying subjects such as mob violence, rumour mongering and arson. Those who clear this round will have practical exams on destroying religious buildings – candidates having the best times will be called for counselling.
Candidates who are affiliated to the VHP and Deoband Islamic School will get 5% extra weightage. SIMI cadets will get direct lateral admission to 2nd year. Candidates who have experience in organizing dubious rath yatras will also get due merit.
Campus recruitment will be conducted for successful students with the Shiv Sena, VHP and Indian Muslim League expected to offer the highest pay packages.
Approved text books by the UGC- “ABC of communal riots” coauthored by Professor Pramod Muthalik and Dr Akbaruddin Owaisi with a special foreword by noted historian Nathuram Godse. Noted trainer Manhoman Singh, world’s first Nero certified procrastination trainer, has been roped in to train students on how to remain a mute spectator while the nation gets looted and burnt.
Leading political parties have hailed the new curriculum as forward thinking, however they want more industry relevant skills to be added. The AAP has suggested that a new course on Dharnas be introduced to help losers distract others from the topic at hand by pointing their fingers at frivolous issues.
Congress leader Rahul Baba also demanded a specialized course on giving retarded interviews and acting like an imbecile on TV. BSP supremo Mayavati wanted divisive caste politics to be added to the curriculum. Fringe Tamil parties too joined the fray with the All India Anna Kournikova Munnetra Kazhakam going as far as proposing a separate IIT for Tamil immigrants from Srilanka.
Dates for the entrance exams will be notified in Shiv Sena mouthpiece Saamna soon!