Monday, 26th June, 2017

How tea is going to change the 2014 elections

26, Feb 2014 By Lord'sMaster

A simple Facebook share of an old joke has resulted in interesting twists in the build up to the 2014 elections.

Game changer
Game changer

A random joke which had originally started as an email forward a few years back, got noticed by Modi’s social media team and the result will be, what people would quote in future, “history”. Following is the joke that triggered it all:

Neil Armstrong steps on lunar soil, says “One step…” and all. Walks around taking selfies. Suddenly he hears some sound from behind a mound of moon sand. Scared and puzzled, he slowly hops (it’s moon, remember?) around. And there, he sees…  a Nayar Tea Shop. The tea master shouts, “entha saarey… chaayaa?”

This joke credits two facts: a Malayalee tea shop owner’s enterprising nature and the ubiquitous “Nayar Tea Kadai”.

Realizing this to be in line with its propaganda strategy, BJP has promised that Chandrayaan-3 will be a manned lunar mission and will include one tea master for supplying tea to the astronauts.

“Chai is the energy drink of Bharat and if you vote for us, we will take it to the Chandramandala”, read the statement on BJP’s Facebook page. Following this, the Nayar Tea Kadai Union has proclaimed their unilateral support to the BJP.

A spokesman for the union said, “We have been working across all the states like Tamil Nadu, Andhra, Delhi, Gelf, Maharastra, we have served many varieties of tea like SP tea, ginger tea, masala chai, apart from normal tea. When James Bond movies are released, we even serve a ‘stirred not shaken’ variety. But till now nobody gave us this sort of recognition. We pledge our support to BJP. We will soon nominate a few people from our Union who can undergo training for the Chandrayaan mission. It seems we need extra practice in the moon to create that perfect arc when you pour tea from the mug to the tea glass.”

This announcement has stirred a storm in the tea glass.

Congress has retorted that this is for populism. A spokesman mentioned that “This is showing that one man can run the show. How can just one tea master handle everything? Besides, this is against women empowerment. If we come back to power, we will launch the Indira Chai Training Program and empower women to be a.. eh.. tea masteranis”.

AAP however, has debunked the entire development as a communal and divisive politics. “Chai is the aam admi’s drink. By taking it to the moon, the BJP and Congress are secretly indulging with the rich Tea Industry. When we come to power, we will make sure that it remains a common man’s drink. We will seek to abolish the ‘special chai’ as it is against inclusive growth. It is because of this corruption that people use the phrase “not my cup of tea”. We will start dharna’s opposite to all tea stalls to emphasize this.”

While the other political parties are vying to get everyone’s attention, the AIADMK has announced it’s own agenda without any fanfare. A public meeting was arranged by the party in the Marina beach at Chennai, to mark the 66th birthday of the Tamil Nadu CM. From a stage that covered up the lighthouse and with the party flags lining the entire seafront, the party spokesman addressed the huge crowds that had gathered.

“Our honourable Puratchi Thalaivi (revolutionary leader), has benevolently agreed to be the next PM. We do not use ‘if’ or ‘when’. The Kaviya Thalaivi (legendary leader) has shown her kindness to launch the ‘Amma Restaurants‘ all across the nation. She will create another kaaviyam (legend) by opening one such restaurant in the moon, remembering her famous movie ‘Chandrodayam’. All these restaurants, apart from serving idli’s for 1 rupee each, it will soon include naan, paratta and other items from the North India menu at a maximum rate of 5 rupees. Special Tea will be served for 50 paise. As a mark of our respect for her birthday, the restaurants will also serve Green Tea for 75 paise. Due to the grace of our leader, every common man will have access to food and tea. These restaurants will be manned womanned by women. What more do you want to prove that our Amma is the only person who can offer true empowerment to women and address the needs of the common man?”

Note: No hyperlink is provided for the term “Nayar Tea Kadai”. Step outside to the nearest road and you will find one yourself.