Saturday, 17th March, 2018

How Rahul Gandhi prepares for election speech - leaked transcript

08, Oct 2014 By Mahesh Jagga

Faking News came into possession of a transcript of discussion between Congress Vice President and his personal assistant. Probably, the assistant was preparing for writing a book after retirement and this page got misplaced. Faking News does not vouch for the provenance of this script.

2 PM, Tughlak Road, New Delhi

PA: Sir, you have to address an election rally today.

RG : Rally? Today? Are you out of your mind? We just had an election, err.. just before my Spain vacation. Or was it sometime between the Spain and Columbia.. Whatever, it was a few months back only. So, how come?

PA: Sir, this is state assembly election.

RG: Not again! Why did you not tell me earlier.

PA: I tried, sir, but you were asleep.

RG: I mean, before today.

PA: Sir, the program was not finalized. Our state unit people were trying to find the constituency worthy of your speech.

RG: What do you mean by that?

Oops! I used wrong speech notes. Again!

PA: Sir, they were trying to find a constituency which is impact neutral. A constituency where media would face the tyranny of distance.  A constituency which would adore a great leader like you irrespective of what you say.

RG: Please translate that into English.

PA: Sir, permit me to explain this to you on the way. Kindly get ready we have to leave in an hour if we have to reach on time.

RG: Do we have to? Anyway, where is this rally?

PA: Raigad, sir.

RG: And where the hell is that?

PA: Maharashtra, sir.

RG: Why Maharashtra?

PA: Sir, the election is for Maharashtra state assembly. I have prepared a brief on the political situation and alignments, achievements of our state government, names of our Chief Minister and other dignitaries there, statements made by other contenders in this election, gist of our manifesto and other national level issues we have to keep alive.

RG: You call it brief? It runs into six pages! Can I read all that in five minutes? You guys are useless.

PA: Sir?

RG: Now don’t bother changing it at the last moment. I have my own notes from the last election speech. They have served me well across the country. There is no reason why should they not continue to be useful.

PA: But, sir…

RG: Now stop sirring me and leave. I have to get ready. Don’t know where is my speech dress? While you are going out, send someone who can find it.

PA: But, sir…

RG: I told you to leave. Stop treating me like a kid. Mummy should stop influencing the servants. Enough is enough. Leave! Now!

A: Yes. Sir.

Moral of the story: When you judge the fish by its tree climbing skills, you have no right to blame it for non performance.