Milan. Sonia Gandhi has revealed that Anna Hazare is her uncle who got lost during a Kumbh mela she had organised in Rome 50 years ago. She said that in order to familiarize herself to Indian culture, she had organized a Kumbh Mela that was sponsored by Quattrocchi & Co. – a large Italian firm allegedly in the Pizza business.
(Anyhow that is not important, just focus on the news – read on, and try to laugh).
She said that at last her bright son had proven his credentials as the youth icon of Bhatta Parsaul. When this reporter quizzically asked what she was talking about, she clarified, “My son, my baby, my cootchie pootchie 50 year old Rahul Baba had embarked on a secret mission in the last few weeks – he had not gone on holidays, but in fact he had gone to Bhatta Parsaul to meditate on the growth of his finger nails and find out where his cousin Nana went during that Mela. He is the one who has found out that Anna was none other than my beloved uncle”.
Completely flummoxed, this reporter asked how did Rahul figure it out. She said, “Rahul went on writing Anna, Anna, Anna in his note book. Soon – this is in about 1 minute 30 seconds – when he could concentrate no more, he started writing Naan, Naan, Naan. At this moment some of the junior lackeys like Mani Shankar Aiyar and Anand Sharma started feeding him naans. Then started writing ‘Nana, Nana, Nana’ and that was it!!! He ran out of the house, naked shouting ‘Eureka!, A-N-N-A is my N-A-N-A!!!!’, and that was it. He came to our house, tore up the newspaper as is his wont, and passed a decree – Anna is my Nana. This is now congress’ official policy.”
She elaborated that this has nothing to do with political convenience. She was always fond of Anna, despite Anna being a bit of a nut-case when it came to loving congress. She also mentioned that soon she will “rechristen” Anna to Anno Domingo because that is what the Church wants. When this reporter protested at bringing religion into the discussion, she said she follows the principles of Asaduddin Owaisi and Akbaruddin Owaisi, and therefore believes that everyone is a born Christian.
When this reporter became ludicrously “protestant” She said, “see, that is what I meant. everyone is a Christian – protestant, or not!”
The reporter went mad after this interview and is currently advising Rahul Gandhi.