New Delhi (March 6): Ram Singh is a broken man. Based on rumours, the 36-year sugarcane farmer from Western UP altered the rabi/kharif sowing cycles and lost all his savings when the weather did not change as per expectations.
The shattered man sobbed uncontrollably before gasping, “I was watching Krishi Darshan… and in between, during the break, they told me that “Winter was coming” at the end of March… I sowed accordingly, and now my crop is ruined as the sun continues to shine. How am I to fund my daughter’s education now?”
This is not a stray incident. Farmers across the nation are in the grip of this misinformation campaign launched by unknown forces. The Indian Meteorological Department is also stumped about rising temperatures in Delhi despite the well-publicized warning that “Winter is Coming” prevalent on all social media channels. An anonymous source within the Ministry of Earth Sciences blamed it on utilizing statistical rather than dynamic models.
He also said, “I am thinking… How can Winter be coming when it is getting increasingly hotter? It is not 03/31/13 yet and I am sweating as mercury continues to rise. I am saying, Summer is coming.”
When contacted, officials at the Ministry of Agriculture assured us of an impartial joint- enquiry ordered by it and the Min. of I&B a – s it blamed producers of DD’s Krishi Darshan (who chose to include a promotional ad for Game of Thrones during a break) for this loss. “Heads will roll for this,” an official spokesperson claimed, “…this is all opposition’s doing. Why else would you show such an ad during Krishi Darshan?”
The Ministry of Environment also jumped in the fray by hinting that the creator/broadcaster of Game of Thrones was hand-in-glove with some Western Industrial Corporations to downplay global warming. Miss Tarundhati Roy, a seasoned revolutionary, commented thus: “It is a criminal conspiracy against the public. They’re trying to lull the world into a false sense of security… they want us to believe there are no GHG emissions and global warming is a myth. Game of Thrones is anti-people, anti-democracy and anti-climate. It reeks of feudalism and may have an adverse impact on progressive thought. And this is not because of the dragons…It’s because of ‘them’ “. However, she remained tight-lipped when asked who exactly ‘they’ were.
It now remains to be seen if South Block issues a formal notice that proclaims that “Winter is NOT coming”, though PMO has expressed possibility of moving the ICC against Game of Thrones. The Ministry of Defence claims that Game of Thrones has been funded by those defence contractors not happy with India opting for Rafale in the multi-million MMRCA Deal.
Interestingly, some Indian farmer associations have already called for a ban on the series. In a related development, HBO’s office in Navi Mumbai was ransacked by a splinter group of the Hindu-Muslim Sanskriti-Lashkar saying that the channel did not air views congruent to ‘Indian Culture’ – which stood for tolerance, respect and no nudity (before 8 p.m.) – and hence must be shut down. The situation has now been brought under control, though an easy peace prevails.