Sunday, 25th June, 2017

Government to build super luxury jail, Kalmadi to be chief project coordinator

05, Feb 2014 By (Un)reliable

Call it anti-corruption scare or response to rising standard of living among Indians, government seems to have woken up and plans to build a super luxury prison on the outskirts of Gurgaon. Unveiling the plan at a press conference here, Congress VP Rahul Gandhi announced that the new jail complex will have a shopping mall with high end fashion brands, spas, pubs, swimming pool, casinos and continuous supply of heroine and other mood-enhancing drugs.

Rahul Gandhi
Rahul Gandhi unveiling the plan.

Excerpts from his interview on this occasion:

Q: Don’t you know that some the facilities planned in the jail are illegal in India? A: Don’t try to be so innocent, everyone knows our Netas enjoy all these things anyway when they are in jail, don’t be a hypocrite. Let’s try to be open about things, we are in the internet age where everything is open. Is there anything about me that you don’t know? My interview with Arnab has been analyzed more deeply than Newton’s theory of relativity, all because we live in an open world. Lets accept the reality.

Q: Are you saying that the jail is only for Netas and politicians? A: You tell me, are only Netas corrupt in India? I have come to know from my sources – It’s a complete nexus between politicians, businessmen and bureaucrats. Anyone may land up in jail someday, so it’s for everyone. We don’t discriminate between stakeholders of this nexus. This jail is going to be for everyone. Someday, we may need to put the complete system in jail, including the jailor.

Q: What about Suresh Kalmadi’s appointment as the chief coordinator for this project, he has been tainted by corruption charges earlier? A: You tell me a person other than him who has experience in handling large construction project and delivered on time, who has been to a jail himself. I will replace Kalmadi Sir. We thought a lot before finalizing his name. You know, he can wear multiple hats for this project – that of a customer as an end user and that of coordinating various construction activities. Only he can provide a world class facility to our would-be inmates.

Q: Land acquisition has been a problem in many government projects, how to you plan to handle this problem? A: Robber Lootra, well known philanthropist and businessman of Gurgaon has agreed to donate 10 acres of prime land for the project, we are so thankful to him.

Q: There are allegations that congress is trying to secure a good place to live for its leaders, should they land up in jail if the next government probes their illicit practices? A: We need to provide good retirement options for all citizens of our country, we need to empower the criminals, just like we have empowered terrorists. What’s wrong with that?

Q: Why don’t we have a hospital inside the complex? A: Though we are sure that the jail will be so good, no one will want to come out of it once in but still, we need to keep all options open for people who want to go out. If there is a hospital inside, they cannot fake illness to come out.

Q: Thanks for taking out time to talk to us A: My pleasure, see you there soon!