Monday, 19th March, 2018

Excerpts from Rahul Gandhi's 2013 diary

25, Jan 2014 By indianpsycho

Faking News found few pages of paper with nonsense written all over it which were torn and thrown outside 10 Janpath. We pieced them together to form what appears as diary written by Rahul Gandhi.

January: I thought this would be another boring year with me repeating the same ‘aam aadmi’ and ‘dream big’ crap at rallies for 9 years now. But I was proven wrong as my party today pleasantly surprised me by naming me Vice President. It was so nice of my partymen to assure that I can continue to follow my aim of eating and sleeping at every dalit household in the country without worrying about the added responsibility that comes with this post. I have also stopped watching Power Rangers on cartoon network after my mom said that power is poison. Don’t know where I would be without her guidance.

Rahul Gandhi
Kabhi Kabhi mere dil mein khayaal aata hai.

February: Went to China. Dont know why people there wanted me to believe it was some north eastern part of India only. Guess they were in mood for some prank. Anyway our party is doing good work in China.
March: Marriage and Children are definitely not happening. They pose obstruction to the work I am doing. I want to dream and everybody knows how wives nag and ask you to get up early in morning. My dreams are too important to be compromised. As far as children are concerned, there is a risk of them taking your place and I am totally against dynastic politics like I am against corruption.
May: Jiju was unhappy today when he got to know I gave 1000 rupees to a young boy. He said I should have given it to him if I was so keen to give interest free loans.

June: Man I was having such a good time getting my haircut in Spain and meeting spanish dalits. All spoiled by Uttrakhand floods. Couldn’t they have waited for me to come back. Guess not everything in world in as understanding and obedient as Shukla ji.

July: Today I said anger in the country should be brought down and still Arnab doesn’t listen. Don’t know if he was angry even after watching that speech or became one after watching it.

August: Today Shukla ji told me that I am reincarnation of some guy called Karl Marx after I said Poverty is just a state of mind in a gathering. I think he should make up his mind. Just yesterday he told me that he sees Albert Einstein in me.

September: Last few days had been very hectic. Everyday a tutor would come and teach me about some confusing ordinance as I had to talk about it in what would be shown as a surprise media appearance. And I forgot it all what I had to say and said what came to my mind. But I kind of love putting Maken ji and Manmohan ji into such situations. They both look very cute when tensed.

October: Today Diggi chacha felt very proud and emotional when he heard my speech where I mentioned how ISI was recruiting Muzaffarnagar riot victims. He said with time I would also become natural at linking RSS with riots and other things plaguing India.

November: In dilemma whether to fire my security guards or not after they roughed up with Sanjay Jha today. In their defense they said they did so as they could not risk any more mosquitoes around me after I said how they had bitten me once and i fell ill.

December: Disappointing last few days with first people refusing to wait for my speech in Delhi and then handing us out defeat in all 4 state elections. I should have practiced restraint while saying again and again that Aam Aadmi’s dreams should be fulfilled as people took it in other way by going and voting for AAP and fulfilling Kejriwal’s dream of becoming a CM. Anyway Mom has already asked partymen to volunteer and own up responsibility for defeat. Love you mom!

Topics:#Rahul Gandhi