Thursday, 22nd February, 2018

End of communal divide -- RSS planning to appoint a Muslim Vice-Chairman

29, Jul 2013 By trishanku

The general secretary of RSS at his recent press conference threw a bombshell: RSS is actively considering a suggestion to appoint a Muslim as its first vice-chairman, the sah-sarsanghcalak .

‘This, we hope, will silence for ever all the politicians who are surviving on an anti RSS diet for many decades. We also hope that it will make easier for us to promote nationalistic feelings among all the fellow countrymen and eliminate the communal divide’ he added.

This announcement has been a bolt from the blue for the secular brigade. The SP chief, it is unreliably learnt, has hired private detectives to identify the few RSS leaders who, he is confident, would be against this decision so that he can provide all possible ‘support’ to them to thwart any such possibility.

Rahul Gandhi himself answered questions at the special press conference to explain the position of Congress on this ‘game changing’ possibility. His immediate response was, ‘We welcome it’, but later seeing the twisted eyebrows of Diggy Raja, he took the slip from his hand and read out loud, ‘But, I suspect there is some hidden agenda behind this decision. Why a Muslim, why not a Christian? How can any true Muslim ever agree to be a leader of a communal Hindu fascist organization?’ Diggy Raja immediately got up and clapped for five minutes at this ‘extempore’ response, imploring the reporters in vain to join him in giving a standing ovation to the youth icon for this wonderful speech.

BSP chief saw in it a game plan of RSS to avoid being banned by her after she became the PM in 2014. The communists refused to give response to such weird ‘kite-flying’ by RSS. They saw this announcement as another example of its nefarious designs of creating communal discord, now between Christians and Muslims, and repeated RaGa’s comments that no self-respecting Muslim will ever agree to join RSS.

Our inside sources say that RSS is likely to have the last laugh. They have made this announcement only after a lot of homework and a few names have already been shortlisted. The front-runner is the vice chancellor of AMU who has endeared himself to the sangh parivar with the spate of announcements regarding dress code for girls, banning girls talking to boy-friends on cell-phones and venturing alone at night etc.

Our correspondent was informed by insiders that the sarsanghcalak is especially pleased with the General and feels: ‘No other VC could see the dangers of westernization as clearly as General Sahib. Unfortunately, the ‘polluting forces’ have pressurized him to partially withdraw the notification. We need to strengthen his hands by openly appreciating and propagating his ideas which are in tune with the pristine Indian culture.’ The fact that he was a senior armed forces officer before joining AMU only increases his acceptance.

The RSS general secretary has already spoken to the General, but got a lukewarm response. So the sarsanghcalak is likely to call on him personally and request him to agree in ‘national interest’.

BJP leaders are at a loss to respond. They , of course, cannot criticize this move, but NaMo‘s cyber team is , for once, not sure whether there would be a net loss or gain of votes for BJP by welcoming this move wholeheartedly; so a calibrated response is being prepared at the highest level in consultation with the sarsanghcalak , the simulation experts and psephologists.