Monday, 26th June, 2017

EC announces war as the electoral process for next elections in Kerala

07, Mar 2017 By RT

New Delhi. The Election Commission of India has announced today that for the next assembly elections in the state of Kerala, it will simply declare a war between the political parties. No it’s not metaphorical or rhetoric, the commission clarified. It is actually going to be an open war and the party, who kills the maximum number of people from the opposition parties, wins the elections.

File photo of BJP protest against CPM cadres in Kerala
File photo of BJP protest against CPM cadres in Kerala

“In the recent affairs in the state, the BJP and the LEFT are killing each other in scores. It is an undeclared war out there between the parties. This got us thinking and we have decided to elect the winning party without conducting elections. It would purely be wastage of money and time for people to stand in lines and vote. Instead, it will be easier to find the winner from the open fight in the streets”, the election commission said in their press release.

“We will make sure that no one in the left will be left to walk the streets of our state after the war is over”, announced a BJP soldier. Left, for their part simply retaliated saying, “It will be very difficult to find and kill BJP people in Kerala. There weren’t many before. Now, with our BJP-MUKT program, there is hardly anyone living in the state”, a LEFT leader told Faking News.

“We welcome the decision from the commission. Our business was not blooming for the past 10 or 15 years though we were getting occasional assignments. With the declared war and official killings in the name of war, our skills will be sought after and I can finally plan a foreign vacation after the elections (the big fight) are over”, one of the contract and paid assassin, with specialization in petrol bombs, told Faking News.

Meanwhile, many NRIs were delighted to know about the announcement and expressed willingness to return to India if all the other states also would be put under the same process. “Political parties Mukt Bharat is the place I want to return to!”, told an NRI family who have been living abroad for 3 generations. “For me, I will return only if political parties are NOT at war with each other”, told one of the recent times NRI from UK.