Wednesday, 21st March, 2018

Dukhilesh's Frenchified Uttar Pradesh

10, Apr 2015 By frustmanoos

Lucknow: UP Chief Minister ordered all Multiplex owners in UP to screen French movies during the prime time. Our reporter, Dubious Dave, reports that this is in response to the decision of the Maharashtra government, asking its multiplex owners to screen Marathi movies during the prime time.

UP CM, Dukhilesh Singh Madhav said that his decision symbolized the progressive nature of his government which was trying to integrate UP with the global community. He said “जब महाराष्ट्र में अंग्रेजी का अपमान कर के एक प्रांतीय भाषा को बढ़ावा दिया जा रहा हा , तब UP में फ्रेंच को बढ़ावा दे कर, हम UP को विश्व में आगे ले जा रहे हैं “. He also said “मैं हूँ जे स्विस फ़्रन्काइस  (Je suis français)!”.

जे स्विस फ़्रन्काइस
जे स्विस फ़्रन्काइस

In another remarkable decision, UP government also declared French as the official language of UP. Accordingly, all official communication in UP will be made in English & French. UP CM has directed his Babus to learn French and educate the masses in French language. For starters, names of cities and towns in UP will be frenchified to reflect UP’s new found heritage. Hence, Agra will be known as Augeravauins, Lucknow as Loucarnaouin and Varanasi as Varaunaiseaint. Opposition leader, Bhabhi Su. Shri. Kayawati has extended full support to CM, Dukhilesh on this issue. She has reportedly agreed to a proposal to demolish memorials to Ambedkar in Lucknow and other cities and replace them with memorials to the French Kings of yore. She said “केवल फ्रांस ही बहुजन समाज की रक्षा कर सकता है… मैं भी जे स्विस फ़्रन्काइस हूँ

Surprisingly, the decision of the UP government has been supported by right wing, controversial professor, Binanath Bakra. Prof, Bakra, when contacted, said this to our reporter, “It is true that French is the mother of Sanskrit and all other Indian languages. It was the French who taught our Rishis the Vedas and the French who established the Indus Valley Civilization. By promoting French, UP government is rightly taking India back to its roots.”

Our reporter spoke to the Aam Aadmis and Aurats of UP to find out their reaction to this news. Duldul Kumar, the quintessential UP Bhaiyya from Varanasi had this to say, “दुखिलेशजी युवा नेता हैं. जो उन्होंने सोचा उसकी कल्पना तो मोदीजी ने भी नहीं की होगी. बस एक समस्या है… वाराणसी का नया नाम थोड़ा सरल होना चाहिए था.  ये  Varaunaiseaint बोलने में तो कमबख्त ज़बान लड़खड़ा जाती है”

Author Jobhi De tweeted “I will get to eat croissants and baguettes in UP multiplexes now! Tres bien Dukhilesh!” Her tweet was re-tweeted 40756890 times!