Saturday, 21st April, 2018

Delhi govt launches 5 more Helpline numbers, find out the details

15, Apr 2015 By frustmanoos

In view of the recent success of the anti corruption helpline number 1031 in Delhi, the Mufflerman has launched several other helpline numbers. These will help the Aam Aadmis and aurats of the city. These numbers will not be toll free and the money collected by charging the callers will be diverted to AAP’s coffers to help compensate for dwindling donations from volunteers.

The newly launched helplines are as follows-

Muffler Man
Mufflerman ka haath, aam aadmi ke saath.

1. 9211 (Nau-do-Gyarah) 9211 helpline will be for the benefit of the homeless people of the city. This especially includes AAP MLAs who were deprived the right to government accommodation by earlier orders of the Mufflerman. Any citizen of Delhi who wishes to relinquish his residence in the city on account of traffic,bad government, pollution,AAP infighting ,safety etc. has to dial this number. The mufflerman shall acquire such houses in accordance with a Home Acquisition Bill that will be passed by the Government of Delhi. Houses acquired by the government will then be allocated to ministers, MLAs and other functionaries and vote banks of AAP.

2. 9420 (Nau Shunya Chaar Sau Bees)

Will also be known as the No Chaar Sau Beesi number. All criminals who have been turned into wise and good hearted men after listening to Mufflerman’s sermons will need to call this number. All cases against them will be dropped and they will be welcomed back into society’s mainstream. As a symbol of reintegrating them into the society, they will be given AAP’s membership and will be inducted as a part of AAP’s new wing, to be known as Mufflersena. They will be offered appropriate jobs by the party at the time of elections.

3. 7748 (Saat-Saat chaar aath) Also known as Saath Saath Chaar Haath number, all new citizens desirous of joining AAP need to call this number to register as AAP members. Only a missed call needs to be given. All new members will be given exciting gifts such as discounted electricity bills, extra water allocation, right to use laal batti etc.. New AAP members will also enjoy preference in house allocations as applicable under the 9211 scheme and will also enjoy special discounts on all kinds of booze that was collected by AAP MLAs during Delhi elections.

4. 9952 (Nau Nau Paanch Do) Also known as the No No, Punch Do number, this number would be to expose those AAP-men who sympathize with the Dooshans and Jokendra Yadav. The motive of this number is to expose such bad elements in the party and then finish them off for good. Citizens need to only call this number and share the names and other details of such No-men. It is believed that the Mufflerman is planning to make use of his Mufflersena to deal with these elements once they are exposed. Punch therapy will be liberally used to correct such people.

5. 9090 (Nau Shunya Nau Shunya)

Or the No Zero, No Zero number will be used to collect frank feedback from Delhi’s citizens on the performance of AAP government. This will work as follows, once you call this number, you will be asked to press 9 to rate the government’s performance as “Excellent”. If you fail to press 9 within 3 seconds, a pre recorded voice of the Mufflerman will play out this message “तुम तो बहुत कमीने हो, किसी और की सरकार होती तो आज तुम्हारे पिछवाड़े पर लात मार कर तुमको दिल्ली के बाहर फ़ेंक देती… फोन रख #$%^%#@”