Delhi. After the Left backed All India Students Association swept the student body elections in the Jawaharlal Nehru University Campus, the politburo of the Communist Party of India – Marxist met late last night.
These days, CPI-M Politburo meetings happen late in the night because, after the Lok Sabha election the Politburo members are too embarrassed to appear in public and they wait for the nation to sleep before the step out of their homes that are filled with cigar smoke and voluminous books of Tagore and Marx, which most of them bought from second book shops in Lajpat Nagar. These books have not been read by any of these leaders and they were obviously bought only to surround themselves during TV interviews. Some leaders bought only old book covers and wrapped some old newspapers with these covers. In one of the leader’s house, multiple copies of a book titled ‘Sounding like a Bengali Intellectual for Dummies’ was found. Apparently the leader bought multiple copies of the book to read it multiple times.
In the meeting, a resolution was passed to demand statehood for JNU. The bizarre decision was taken because given the political scenario in the Nation, the Left parties are convinced that JNU elections is the only elections they can win.
The Politburo lamented that in Bengal, Mamata Banerjee who decimated the Left parties despite their scientific rigging, is herself reeling under the growing popularity of Narendra Modi. And in Kerala, the state that elected the world’s first Communist party to power is beginning to realize that Communism is more dangerous than Communalism and will reject both to give a chance to the development mantra of the BJP. Hence, to stay politically relevant – the politburo has passed a resolution to demand statehood for JNU so that in at-least one state the Left parties can claim to be in power.
The Politburo is also hopeful that the Congress will agree to the proposal because after naming Universities, airports, stadiums, awards, roads and public toilets after members of the Nehru-Gandhi family, here is an opportunity for them to have a whole state named after their family member. The Politburo decided to ask the elected students union members to push for the introduction of a subject on “Women Empowerment”, so that Rahul Gandhi will quickly agree and will term any opposition to the proposal within the Congress as “Non-sense”; this will also make every Congress member say, “Theek Hai” to the proposal. The only fear the politburo has is that Robert Vadra shouldn’t grab any land in the proposed state for selling it to DLF; as such the new state will be embarrassingly smaller than Shah Rukh Khan’s garage in Mumbai.
The Kurta & Jhola bag weavers association of West Bengal is very excited about the idea and has decided to fully back the move. Senior members of the association are fast lobbying for the introduction of official state costume for the newly proposed state – no guesses for what the costume is.
The politburo also decided to run a poetry contest in JNU; the best song will be called “Vande Marxism” and will be given the “Official State Song” status. The Politburo also decided to approach the Chinese leadership for their support on this move. When contacted, the Chinese administration which initially struggled to recognize the Left parties of India, immediately tried to distance themselves from them. On persistent pleas from the Politburo members, the Chinese Government clarified that their President Xi Jinping is busy celebrating Narendra Modi’s birthday and will have no time for the defunct Communist ideologies both in China and India.