Monday, 23rd April, 2018

Congress will not contest 2014 elections, says it's time to retire

13, Feb 2014 By kida

In a shocking event Congress party has announced that it will not contest the general election of 2014. The announcement was made in a press conference held at Jhumri Tallaya.

The party spokesperson said that the Congress party has looted ruled the country for a long time and now they should give other parties a chance. “The Congress party has scored corruption runs in all the fields – natural resources, industry, defense, wireless, sports, entertainment. There are no more resources challenges left,” said the Congress spokesperson.

“Most of the party leaders have plundered enough money that the next seven generations of their family don’t have to earn. Now it is time to retire and enjoy the plunder,” revealed Sushil Shinde, who asked not to disclose his name but our correspondent didn’t care. Internal sources say the decision was inspired by Sachin’s retirement. When we approached Sachin to comment on the event, he looked surprised and just exclaimed “Aaila!”

Even more shocking event than the announcement was that Manmohan Singh spoke. “Finally, I can remain silent peacefully,” said a relieved Manmohan Singh with a smile on his face.

Party leader Sonia Gandhi looked very happy with the decision. She was wearing jeans and t-shirt when our correspondent talked to her. “I had a good time playing with the people of this country. It is time to go back home” said Sonia Gandhi. As usual, Rahul Gandhi looked lost and was talking on the same topics. “I look this as opportunity to rebuild everything from scratch and change the system. I will channelize the energy of youth and power of women of this country and build a new party.”

Some of the Congress members were not happy with the decision. “I can’t believe the party leaders are doing this to us. I haven’t even opened an account with Swiss bank yet,” said a disappointed young politician. Some of the party members have already joined AAP and some were even considering joining the arch rival BJP.

Other parties were surprised as well but reacted differently. AAP started a dharna on Janpath Marg and were shouting the slogan “Gau hamari maata hai. Humko kuch nahi aata hai.”  Arvind Kejriwaal took a brief moment out of dharna to talk to us. He said (shouted) “Kahin nahi jaane denge inko. Jo ghotale kiye hai, uska hisaab dena hoga is desh ki janta ko.” BJP held a press conference to celebrate the decision. “Jab geedar ki maut aati hai to wo shahar ki taraf hi bhagta hai,” said BJP spokesperson, who wanted to look confident but was unable to hide the feeling of relief on this face.

Meanwhile, ACP Pradyuman was still puzzled and tensed. He asked Daya “Aakhir Congress ke neta gaye to gaye kahaaaan?”

Note: Author’s blog.