Tuesday, 27th June, 2017

Congress to field Great Khali as 'strong' candidate against Modi

05, Apr 2014 By surajr

New Delhi: In what many consider to be a game changer in Indian politics, the Congress party has announced pro wrestler The Great Khali as the party’s ‘strong’ candidate from Varanasi.

Khali
Blow to Modi

This announcement was made in a press conference by Congress spokesperson Manish Tewari.

Speaking to the bewildered journalists at the event, Mr Tewari said, ” We wanted to field a strong candidate against Modi from Varanasi. We formulated an internal review mechanism of all the possible candidates and finally decided on the Great Khali as the #1 contender.”

While most of the journalists were simply stunned by this development, some were able to recover their senses enough to ask a few questions.

Responding to a question on how Khali would be a strong contender to Modi, Mr Tewari displayed the Great Khali Trump card and said,” Modi only talks about his 56″ chest. However, from the trump card, you can see that we have given measurement of height, weight, biceps along with chest. Thus, it is optimally clear that Congress considers strength holistically, taking into account all parameters and not just from the chest size. “

On being questioned about whether Khali’s nomination had the blessings of the Congress High Command, Mr Tewari added, “Absolutely! The Great Khali is Rahul Baba’s favourite WWE trump card and always carries it with him. Additionally, Khali resembles a grown-up Chhota Bheem, which is also Rahul Baba’s favourite TV show. This was indeed a no-brainer for the Congress.”

This Faking News reporter brought up the question of the Great Khali’s oratory skills and the fact that no one understands a word of what he says. Responding to this, Manish was quick to announce that since he is not contesting the LS elections this time around, he will be accompanying Khali on the campaign trail and will do all the speaking on Khali’s behalf.

Reacting to this development, BJP spokesperson Ravi Shankar Prasad told Faking News, ” It is clear that Congress is clearly unsettled by the popularity of  Shri Narendra Modi, who is the undisputed People’s Champion”, while attempting to raise a single eyebrow.

Meanwhile, Arvind Kejriwal, the AAP candidate from Varanasi held a press conference and stated that he would be the last man standing in the triple threat contest for Varanasi.

Speaking to Faking News, Kejriwal said, “My political analysis is that both the BJP and the Congress candidates will be in for a shock this coming elections.” He then proceeded to tear the vest he was wearing and yelled ” Whatcha ya gonna do brother, when the aam aadmi and Kejrimania run wild on you!?”