In a top secret-super confidential-we love tell you but then we will have to kill you report – the Congress Working Committee, the highest body of the party has identified ‘Farsaan‘ and ‘Dhokla’ as the sole reasons behind the decimation of the Congress party.
Speaking on anonymity – a certain unnamed source who can’t be named in order to protect his name but whose name does include an S & A & N & J & Y in his last name and a JA in his first name but still can’t be named said, “It is extremely unfortunate that people are blaming the Gandhi-Nehru’s for the defeat of the UPA as they are essentially shock-absorbers. Not that my statement makes sense – but holding them responsible is as abstract is abject is absurd is abysmal is abnormal is abhorable is…..& then the spokesman ran out of ‘’abs”– absolutely! “It was Dhoklas and Farsaans that led to our loss”.
When asked to clarify how the traditional Gujarati foods caused the biggest rout the Congress suffered in their history – the spokesman (sorry source) refused to elaborate saying that section of the report was confidential but we were free to try Wiki Leaks.
Another senior leader concurred saying it was a masterstroke on BJP’s part to give away ‘FARSAANS’ and ‘DHOLKAS’ in traditional Congress bases but smartly withhold ÉNO. He claimed had ENO been available – there would have been no bombs to smell-gas away the voters.
The Congress he said will surely approach the International Court of Justice in Hague for what he termed was the violation of the Geneva Convention through the use of biological bombs!!
Also said to be at the receiving end is the outgoing Union Food Minister – who despite consistent remainders didn’t serve any “Pasta with Naans” as a staple diet of the National Free Food for Votes Security Program. But the Minster strongly defended himself and blamed the late Apple Founder Steve Jobs instead. “I may have confused Idiyapams with Pasta but it was the I-Phone 5 Siri that mistook it for Idlis”. The Minster has requested U.S. Govt. to search for Steve Jobs ashes but the request was denied as Google doesn’t work on I-phones.
Quikr to gain political mileage over his rival is the Union Science Minister who is now tweeting a much belated report on how the ‘’Pasta with Naans” menu could have influenced the electorate to go gaga over Congress through use of neuro-gastronomical programming techniques. He claims dishes that could have caused a RAGA-PRIGA Tsunami include ‘’Penne-Diggy-Khaana – extra marry-nated”, “Focaccia-Manu-Sing-Salata” (two versions with sex-CD and without), “Minestrone-Soup-Aiyari”, “Spaghetti-Manishiato-Tiwari” and “Peth-Tho-Pura-Bighdaana”. When asked if he was too late – the Minister replied “Not quite. We can still win the Nobel Prize”
Our top-secret but whose name we can’t name but does include a S & A & N & J & Y in his name also supported the PASTA theory saying “By giving free toffees – we ended up influencing the voters in the opposition’s favour. We always wanted to serve ‘PANNACOTTA’ but our Petroleum Ministry upset plans by procuring “TERRACOTTA” instead. The party wanted to introspect the loss by establishing yet another Cabinet Committee on why “PANNACOTTA” is better than “RICOTTA” baked with “QUOTAS” in “TERRACOTTA” from “KOTA” and not using any “SAPOTAS” – all of which will anyway result in extensive use of “LOTA’s“. However the plans had to abandoned as President Pranab Mukherjee refused to chair “Committees “that after May 16th anyway can only take part in competitions for ‘WET TEE’s ‘.
The Prime Minster chose to remain silent but added “pasta can wait but we should have signed another Nuclear Deal. & for that history will judge you and not me!!!”